A Day of Transitions: October 28, 2018

Yesterday was a day of transitions, major transitions. At the hub of it all was the fact that I turned 70 yesterday. While it could have been a day when I reflected on the past, it was not that for me. Instead, my reflection was about the fact that, from my perspective, I’m in the last stage of my life.

I have long been aware that tomorrow is not promised, that today is where I should put my attention. That sense is even more heightened now. I have no way of knowing whether my last day on this earth will be two days, two years or two decades from now. It could be shorter, or it could be longer. It is important that I make every day count and not put off to tomorrow the things that are important to me.

That momentous birthday was not the only transition that occurred yesterday. My birthday each year, is the date by which I have to renew my R.N. (Registered Nurse) license. And every two years, I also have to renew my ARNP (Advanced Registered Nurse Practitioner) license by that day. Both license renewals were due yesterday and I did not renew them; I had decided this was the year to let them both expire.

I have loved being a Clinical Specialist in Adult Psychiatric and Mental Health Nursing, or, in short, a nurse psychotherapist. I have loved accompanying hundreds of clients on their healing journeys. I will miss the clients I have worked with in the past, and miss the ones I would have met had I chosen to continue to do that work. But I believe that that time in my life is over.

Yesterday was a quiet day. I talked to my grown children, Sreejit and Chaitanya and had breakfast and watched the Seahawks game with Al, my ex-husband. Later in the day, I answered the Happy Birthday messages from my friends who saw the birthday notice on Facebook or already knew that it was my birthday. I talked with one of my past co-therapists on the phone and worked for a while getting ready for the upcoming Greenbelt planting work parties.

I usually don’t do anything in the evening, because I am tired by then, but yesterday, during the late afternoon, I remembered that a friend was leading a kirtan at a place in Greenlake. (A kirtan is a group experience of devotional singing done in a call and response format. Many of the songs are in Sanskrit.) I have wanted to go to one of her kirtans for a long time but have never done it. In that moment, I knew that this was the day for me to go.

Before long, I drove to Greenlake and soon thereafter was sitting on the floor of the studio listening to and singing the glorious music. I have longed for that experience… and now I was having it. My “monkey” mind was more silent than it has been for a long time. I sensed that this was yet another transition point.

Another highlight of that experience was that the song that was sung before the closing chants was one that has been important to me since the mid-eighties. It was part of my own healing journey and I have shared it with clients at some therapy intensives and on this blog. My heart soared as I sang it once again.

Yesterday was a day of transitions. I look forward to experiencing what this stage of my life holds. I know it won’t always be easy but I believe it will all be important.