Be Careful What You Wish For

In the late 80’s and early 90’s there was a period of several years when I had a series of mystical experiences. Even though they may have been frightening at times, they were also fascinating and exciting. A whole new world was opening up for me, one that was very different from my normal logical left brain way of being in the world.

Back then, I would frequently enter spontaneous trance states, i.e. altered states of consciousness. I remember once sensing that part of me was at a party, one that the rest of me wasn’t allowed to go to. At the time, I believed that the pain of leaving that “party” would have been so tremendous that my not being allowed to go there completely was my unconscious mind’s way of protecting me from having to feel so much grief.

All too often though, I had a hard time staying grounded. I needed to be extra careful when driving and at times it took a lot of effort for me to stay focused in this world. I also had to spend hours a day doing yoga like postures in order to keep the spiritual energy moving through my body.  When it got stuck, I would experience painful headaches.

At one point, I wondered if I was going to “go crazy” as part of that process. I decided if that is what it took, then so be it. Soon thereafter, though, I helped take care of two people who were psychotic. What I discovered was that when people are in that mental state, whatever goes through their minds comes out of their mouths. Their judgments, criticisms, and negativity poured out without any filtering. I was alarmed.

All of a sudden, I saw things in a different light. I knew that having negative thoughts was a normal part of living, but there was NO way I wanted my thoughts revealed to the world at large. I decided rather than having the attitude that I would do whatever it took to go wherever I was going at top speed, I would instead take the attitude “Thy Will Be Done.” I would trust Spirit to take me where I needed to go at a rate that was healthy for me. My job was to take care of myself by keeping my body, and my mind, healthy and let the process unfold.

It has been more than twenty years since I made that decision.  “Thy Will Be Done” is still my prayer and it is an attitude that has served me well.

Written for Dungeon Prompts: Be Careful What You Wish For