Challenge for Growth Prompt #4: Think Before Saying Yes or No

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Think Before Saying Yes or No

This week’s challenge is:

**“Today I take time to think before I say Yes or No.”**

While some people have trouble saying Yes and others say No to every request, I believe it is much more common for people to struggle with saying No. This struggle often stems from childhood experiences. It may not have been okay, or even safe, to say No in our families of origin. Many of us were taught/programmed to please others by doing what others wanted them to do. As an adult, we may say Yes to things we don’t want to do; say Yes but then not follow through on our commitments; or say Yes reflexively without taking any time to think about the request.

I once heard a joke that addresses this issue. “What happens when a codependent dies?” Answer: Someone else’s life flashes before his eyes.” While it is a funny joke, it is also a sad situation and it may be true. You cannot live your own life and do everything everyone else wants you to do.

The first step in looking at this issue may be to observe any struggles you have in saying either Yes or No. At the same time, start pausing to think before you reply to a request. You may need 15 seconds or you may need 48 hours or more to get clear. It is perfectly appropriate to respond, “I will think about it and get back to you.”

This week, for one, two, three days or longer, focus on thinking before you say Yes or No. Sometime during the week, write a post about some aspect of this topic or about your experiences when you think before you answer a Yes or No question. Feel free to use whatever form you desire: i.e., prose, story, poem, photograph, etc.

I look forward to seeing where this challenge takes you.

The article that you link to this prompt should be a new post written specifically for this challenge.

General Prompt Information:

New prompts will be posted at 5 a.m. (PST) every Wednesday.

Since it is easier to make behavioral changes if we focus on them one day at a time, each of the weekly challenges will start with “Today, I focus on…….” It will be up to you to decide how long you want to focus on a particular challenge— one, two, three days or even longer. At some point during the week, publish a post that relates in some way to the subject of the week.

Link your post back to this prompt post. If the pingback doesn’t work, then leave the link to your post in the comment section below. Be sure to include “Challenge for Growth Prompts” as one of your tags.

Throughout the week, I will publish the links for the posts that were created as the result of this prompt. I will also post the links from those who participated the previous week. That way they will be seen by anyone who comes to this page.

If you don’t have a blog, please feel free to submit your contribution to the prompt in the comment section below.

This week’s contributors to Think Before Saying Yes or No:

The Making of Yes- Nik’s Place

And to the World I Say- Where Love Meets War

Why Do We Behave the Way We Do?- Living, Learning and Letting Go

Challenges for Growth Prompts #4- Annette’s Place

How about you?

Last week’s contributors to Learning to Be:

What Does It Mean to Be? – Living, Learning and Letting Go

Painting Our Illusions- Where Love Meets War

Failure to Be- Nik’s Place

Being Her True Self- Traces of the Soul

Learning to Be- Journey of a Warrior Womyn

Amma’s Vrindavan Tulasi Field

After Lalita and I left Amrita Herbal Gardens, we walked to the Vrindavan Tulasi Field, the farm I had originally planned to see that day. This property contains the gardens I have heard about most over the years. The devotees who have worked there have faced so many obstacles. Year after year it has been a process of trial and error. Amma teaches us to put in the effort and let go of the results. Those who have worked at this farm have done such a good job of doing that.

When I walked onto the property, I gasped at what I saw. The place had truly become paradise. The first plants that caught my eye were some that had beautiful flowers, different from any I had ever seen.

After leaving that area, Lalita and I walked from place to place, marveling at everything we saw. There were coconut trees of course, but so much else. We saw many banana circles, each with its own compost pile in the middle. We viewed many different types of plants, all looking healthy and luscious. (Click on the gallery to enlarge the pictures.)

This farm was first known as the Tulasi Field. (Tulasi is also called holy basil and is known for its medicinal and religious properties.) Several years later, they discovered that Rudraksha trees were growing there and throughout the ashram. The devotees started planting Rudraksha trees in all of the gardens. For a while the Tulasi Field became known as the Rudraksha Farm. This year I discovered it has been renamed Amma’s Vrindavan Tulasi Field.

Lalita noticed that the bottom portion of all of the Rudraksha trees had been painted white; I didn’t think to ask one of the workers why that was done. A worker told us that 10,000 rudraksha seeds had been harvested this year. Those were produced by a small number of trees, as the trees that had been planted in the last few years were not mature enough to produce fruit. One thousand seeds had been harvested from the tree in the picture on the right side of the gallery below. It was the most prolific tree on the property.

Rudraksha seeds are considered sacred in India. They symbolize the dissolution of desires and the awakening of truth. A rudraksha seed is divided into 1-21 segments. Those segments are also known as faces or mukhi. While all rudraksha seeds have healing properties, the properties change depending on the number of mukhi. The five mukhi rudraksha seed is the most common form. It can help with regulating blood pressure, heart problems, stress, mental disability, obesity, anger management, diabetes, piles, neurotic and behavioral problems.

Here are some pictures I took the first year they started harvesting the fruit of the rudraksha trees. After the fruit is picked, it is opened and the seed is taken out, soaked and then brushed until it is clean. To read an article I wrote about the rudraksha seeds two years ago go to: Rudraksha Farming at Amritapuri, pages 7-9. That document contains more information and many pictures.

There may have been tulasi plants growing throughout the property, but one of the last areas we came upon before we returned to Amritapuri was a field of tulasi. The plants were so big and so healthy. A woman who had recently come to the ashram was watering them. I had the feeling she didn’t understand why we were so astounded by what we were seeing. She probably didn’t know about all of the years and effort that had been spent trying to get anything to grow in the dry, barren ground.

I found myself teary as I wrote this post. The earth in so many of the pictures looks dark and rich; so different from how it used to be. This property is certainly proof that when you put in the effort and let go of the results, miracles can happen.

Living and Learning in Amritapuri (December 22-26, 2015)

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Be like a bird

Amma says we should be a bird perched on a dry twig, ready to fly at a moment’s notice. She is really good at giving us opportunities to work on that lesson. Last year, since the play was on public darshan day, we expected to present it on the floor of the auditorium instead of on the stage where Amma is hugging people. The play was prepared with that plan in mind.

Then on December 20, Amma told us that she would stop darshan early so she could watch the play with us. That meant that the play would be on the stage. The backdrops were WAY too long for the stage and would all have to be altered. The stage was smaller than what had been designed for the auditorium so both the acting and dances had to be reworked to fit in the smaller space. It was amazing how well the cast worked together to make the changes.

The same thing happened this year, but in the opposite direction. We had prepared to present the play on the stage and three days before the event Amma said since the crowds were large, she would be giving darshan on the stage. Therefore, the play would be performed on the auditorium floor in front of her. That way she could watch it while she was hugging those who came to receive her blessing. Again many aspects of the play had to be reconfigured. The cast was used to this type of challenge by now, so they laughed and cheered and began to make the necessary alterations.

Costumes

Once the costumes were made, they all had to be ironed. It took four for five people many hours over a three day period to accomplish that task. One day, I was irritated because the only iron available to me was so heavy. It reminded me of the heavy irons from centuries past, the ones that were placed on a stove to get hot. I learned to tip the iron onto the fabric rather than pick it up each time I moved it. Once I got my technique down, I discovered that it was actually the best iron of all of them. It was so heavy it seemed like it flattened many of the wrinkles through its weight! It was a good lesson in remembering that there is a lot I don’t know and my judgments may be wrong.

Christmas Eve

The day of the play finally arrived. The last rehearsals had gone well and everyone was ready.

There is only one story in the Bible about Jesus as a child. This play was about what Jesus might have been like when he was growing up, as well as what it might have been like to be his parents, siblings or friends. It also contained scenes about John the Baptist and about the 40 days and nights Jesus was tempted by Satan. While Jesus is known as a peacemaker, he also challenged the traditional religious teachings, so that area was addressed as well.

At one point in the play, Joseph told the children the story of David and Goliath. Our Goliath was a 12 foot high puppet! A man was inside of the puppet carrying him on his shoulders. As I’m sure you can imagine, Goliath was a major attraction!

The play was absolutely wonderful. The singing, dancing and acting were remarkable. (You can click on any picture in the gallery to enlarge them all.)

Sabbath dinner

In Joseph’s workshop

Waiting for Jesus

John the Baptist

Saul’s army with David

12 foot high Goliath puppet

Mary, Joseph and Jesus with high priests

Jesus being expelled

Satan tempting Jesus

Jesus is home again!

After the play was over, Amma gave her Christmas message and then we all received Christmas cake. If you are interested, you can read Amma’s speech at: http://www.amritapuri.org/50818/15-christmas.aum

Crowds

Very late on Christmas Eve, big groups of Indians started arriving and on Christmas day the crowd was huge. That evening we went to the beach to meditate with Amma and the whole time we were there people continued to come. I have never seen that many people on the beach at one time.

At 6:15 or so we returned to the auditorium for bhajans (devotional singing). There were so many people that everyone couldn’t fit in the auditorium. It has been quite a while since I’ve seen the auditorium that full!

Play cast celebration

On Christmas day the play cast had a party. Devapriya and Chaitanya had prepared a funny skit. Goliath was part of it as well. Sreejit was Goliath’s voice. I took some pictures so you could see Goliath close up.

Morning prayers (archana)

I had started staying in my room during the morning prayers and reading one of the chants in Devanagari (Sanskrit) script during that time. At first I did that was because I had lost my archana book, and then because I wasn’t waking up in time to get to the temple before the prayers started. It was also a way for me to practice my Sanskrit. One day this week though I was awakened at 3:30 in morning, by the computer! I hadn’t logged out, but I had closed the cover and everything had turned off. I had left the internet stick inserted but it was off too. At 3:30, the computer started making noise. When I looked to see what was going on, there were lights flashing several feet around it. That had never happened before and I was mystified. It was as if the computer had turned itself on. I couldn’t go back to sleep so decided I was “supposed” to go to archana in the temple, and did.

Challenges

December 26 was a challenging day for me. I was very triggered by several things that happened in the early morning. Soon thereafter, someone approached me and asked if I would like to take a picture of an insect. I went with them and was very intrigued by what I saw.

I chose to believe that being given the opportunity to see this creature, which I think was a very young praying mantis, was either a reward for weathering the challenges, or something to lift my spirits. Since that day ended with more triggering events, I was very glad when it was over.

Tai Chi

A positive thing about the 26th was that we had two Tai Chi classes! I am so in love with that process. We’ve had two teachers working with us. Dave returned to Canada a few days ago and Stephanie will leave on January 2. I will miss learning from them but look forward to practicing what I have learned on my own, and hopefully will find another teacher when I get back to Seattle.

I can already feel changes in my body from doing it. It seems to me that my body is more relaxed, that my posture has improved and that I am looking straight in front of me instead of down. I look forward to seeing if it has any effect on my scoliosis. Most important though is that it brings me into a meditative state.

Time with Amma

I have been so busy since I’ve been here that I haven’t spent much time with Amma. She leaves January 5 on her South Kerala tour and I will be gone when she comes back to Amritapuri. I am going to make sure that I go to the beach meditations on Mondays and Fridays and will hand her prasad (the candy and ash she gives everyone she hugs) every darshan day!

I can’t believe that there are less than two weeks left in this trip. I wonder what other lessons and experiences will come my way before I leave.

Living and Learning in Amritapuri (Dec 18-21, 2015)

12366450_10153278613243302_3737150413022117000_n — Photo Credit: Amma’s Facebook Page

Celebration

This is the 500^th post I’ve published since I started this blog in March 2014! I like that it is a “Living and Learning in Amritapuri” post that gets that distinction.

Painting

Paint doesn’t last a long time here, probably because we are so close to the Arabian Sea. I imagine the salt water breaks it down. This is one of the years that the front of the temple is being repainted. The work is so intricate and temple becomes even more beautiful when it is freshly painted. I don’t take photos on the ashram grounds unless they are nature oriented but you can see what I’m talking about in this picture. I particularly wish you could see the horses clearly. If you zoom in you will be able to see more.

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Christmas Play

I’ve been meaning to tell you about something that happened during the second week I was here. On one of the first play rehearsals, I walked into the room where the practice was being held, only to find Jesus sitting by the door meditating. I was startled; the experience was so surreal. It, of course, only took seconds to realize that it was the woman playing Jesus in the play but it felt so real for that brief moment. None of the other actors wear their costumes during the rehearsals, but I soon discovered she always does. It not only helps her get into character, but, I think, it also helps everyone get into the spirit of the play.

[Note: Traditionally in India the actors are either all men or all women. That used to be true in the plays offered by the ashram Westerner’s too, but over the years there have been more and more men in our plays. Some women still play men’s roles though.]

Yesterday was the dress rehearsal for all of the women and children. There are seven very young children who were wearing sheep costumes. They were SOOOOOOO cute. I expect to have pictures to share with you after the play.

Only a few more days until Christmas Eve, the night the musical will be performed!

Tai Chi

I am so loving this process. I am able to reach a meditative place that I haven’t been able to reach since the mid 90’s. I look forward to finding a Tai Chi teacher when I get back to Seattle.

Often there is a man practicing Kung Fu near where we practice Tai Chi. It seems like they have similar origins since they share a lot of the same moves, but the Kung Fu seems so violent compared to the gentle movements of the Tai Chi. Both are beautiful in their own way.

The fishermen are usually out in the sea when we have the morning class. One day this week, the men had their boats pulled up on the beach and they were working on the nets. I noticed a lot of the boats and the supplies were stored on the beach the next day, so I took some pictures.

Bhakti

My next door neighbor helps care for the ashram dogs when they aren’t with Amma. As a result, Bhakti, is frequently in or near her room. Bhakti is well loved at the ashram and is welcomed wherever she goes. Last year, I was amazed when I watched Bhakti wait for the elevator on the ground level, get on it when the door opened, and then get off when it arrived at our floor. Somehow she knew her second home was there.

Ants, Mosquitoes, Rain

If a moth dies during the night or if I drop some food on the ground, then a trail of ants usually comes. I discovered many years ago that it is generally possible for me to get the ants out of my room without killing them. If they are on a wall, I put some water in my hand and wetten the wall near the area where they seem to be going. When they get close to the water, they turn around and go back to wherever they came from. It even looks like they “talk” with their friends because the ants that are coming towards the wet area turn around and join the others when they see them going the other way.

There don’t seem to be many mosquitoes here this year. That has never happened before. I noticed it the other day but since mosquitoes usually don’t bother me, I thought maybe I was wrong. Yesterday, a long term resident mentioned the lack of mosquitoes to me, so at least some other people have that belief too.

It has continued to rain almost every day; often very hard rain. Most years there is no rain when I am here in December so this is a marked change. I assume the rain is the result of climate change; could the reduced number of mosquitoes be too? I think mosquitoes are another “pest” for me to research so maybe you will see an “Interesting Facts about Mosquitoes” post someday!

Lessons, Lessons, Lessons

I wrote the above part of this post last night before I went to bed (it is 13 ½ hours later in India than the U.S. so it is Tuesday morning here now.) When I finished, I had the feeling/thought/sense/belief that I hadn’t had much to share this year and hoped that the pictures I’ve put up have made my posts valuable to others. Even as I had those thoughts, I knew that my perception was probably off because of the comments I have received from people after reading my posts.

This morning I woke up realizing that I actually have been bombarded by lessons, leelas, tests, and experiences. Yes I am feeling hot, tired, run down emotionally and physically, but that, in part, is a side effect of the purification and learning processes that I am undergoing.

So if I look at things from that perspective I have more to say!

My steady stream of “losing” things has slowed down considerably but not stopped. Everything that I had lost has “come back” except for the archana book. Many years ago when I was in a stream of losing things, I was so disturbed by it that I ended up deciding to see a psychologist. I wanted to rule out early onset Alzheimer’s and Multiple Personality Syndrome. Neither of those diagnoses seemed warranted but I wanted to hear that from a professional. The psychologist told me is that neither disease was present, but that my unconscious mind had found a fool proof way to get my attention. That was, and is, definitely the truth. I don’t think much else shakes me up as much as not being able to find things that should be easy to find.

There are a lot of people who have flats here and live alone. To make sure no one is sick in their room without anyone knowing about it, we have to initial a paper first thing in the morning. Someone is assigned to check the room of anyone who has not signed in. Going to each person’s room takes them considerable time and effort. Generally, even though I have the best intentions, I forget to sign in three or four times during a trip. One day last week, I was headed downstairs to sign the paper and was congratulating myself for not having missed a single day this time. Imagine my surprise when I returned to my room later in the day and found a paper saying the person had come to check on me since I hadn’t initialed the paper. I must have become distracted on my way downstairs. A lesson in pride, not being present, and removal of ego I think.

The auditorium here has no closed sides and is huge. The west part of it is used for dining room seating for the Western Café and Western Canteen and the east part is used for dining room seating for the Indian food line. (Anyone can eat at any of these places, but the type of food served is different for each.) There has been an ongoing problem with Westerners taking the dishes from the café and canteen to their rooms to eat. That results in a constant loss of dishes. Even though the dishes may ultimately be brought back, during the time they are in private rooms they are unavailable for the cafe/canteen to use. One day this week, I came downstairs to discover that the whole dining area had been roped off and there is a closed line of tables against the ropes. The only entrance to the dining area is now on the west side of the hall. During the meal serving, someone is posted by the exit to stop people from leaving with the dishes. If they want to take their food to their rooms, there are bowls, plates and spoons available for purchase for 10-60 rupees (15 cents to $1). It used to be possible to walk through the auditorium and dining area as a short cut to many places in the ashram so I’m finding the change to be a big nuisance although I can see that the new system is working very well and is needed. I realize it is an opportunity to work on staying even minded and to surrender personal comfort for the higher good.

During the last two days, in my perception, my daughter and son were inundated with challenges. When that happens the mother bear in me comes out in force (“Mess with me but don’t mess with my kids”) and probably disrupts my piece of mind more than anything else. I know those lessons are important opportunities for them to learn as well as a chance for me to practice letting go and letting them have their own experiences, but it isn’t easy.

This list could go on and on but I’m going to stop. I think you can see why when people ask how my vacation was I say, or at least think, that it wasn’t a vacation. This is hard work. But I know the results are well worth going through the discomfort. I am learning and growing in a multitude of ways.

When I was looking for pictures for this post I saw the quote I put at the beginning. It seemed very relevant to what I had just written. Thank you Amma for helping me eliminate my ego so that the love inside of me can emerge.

To read the earlier posts in this series go to: https://livinglearningandlettinggo.wordpress.com/india/

Living and Learning in Amritapuri (Dec 14-17, 2015)

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Elephant, Dragonflies, Eagle

Lakshmi, one of the ashram elephants, has been out three times since I’ve been here. She is led into the courtyard by her trainers/attendants and the devotees, especially children, feed her. I love watching her take a whole clump of small bananas with her trunk and eat them all at once. These are some pictures of Lakshmi and Amma from 2011.

This morning during my Tai Chi class big dragonflies flew overhead. When I did some more Tai Chi in the evening, the eagles were soaring above us. Both scenes were so beautiful.

Play Preparation

Play preparation is happening everywhere. Practices, creation of the set design, costumes, backdrops, slides in Malayalam and English, lighting, sound, all occurring simultaneously. I generally go to one of the practices each day. So far they have been learning and reviewing one scene at a time. Starting on Sunday they will be putting it all together. It is so exciting. From my room I can hear many of the practices I don’t attend. In fact, at times I can hear the music even better from my room. The sound goes up I guess.

I am spending more time sewing costumes than last week although I only work on them 2-3 hours a day compared to Jani and Sumati’s night and day work.

There is one part of the play I am very eager to tell you about but will wait and until after it is performed on Christmas Eve.

Leelas abound

It is amazing how I can “lose” as many things in this one room as I do in my house. For several days this week I was not able to find my iPhone cord (and was very thankful I sensed I should bring two cords to India, and did), the Fitbit gadget (I don’t know what it is called) I put into my laptop’s USB port, and some tweezers. I looked for them for days and took everything in this room apart several times. When I couldn’t find a receipt I needed on Tuesday, it felt like the “last straw.” Within minutes of reaching that level of frustration, I found the phone charger and the Fitbit piece in places I had looked for them many times. They were practically in plain sight. I also remembered where I put the receipt. No tweezers though.

This scenario felt like something we call Leela (God’s play). No other way of seeing it made sense to me.

Soon after I wrote this section yesterday, I noticed that my meal card and my time card for Amma’s darshan (hug) had disappeared from my wallet. I felt sooooo frustrated and tired of this kind of leela. There will be more to this story later in the post.

[Note: Tokens are distributed to get Amma’s hug. It is a way to create some organization in the darshan process; there is no charge for the token. Yesterday the tokens for Westerners were given to people who had just arrived at the ashram, were leaving soon, or were new devotees. The rest of us who hoped to have darshan later were given time cards which would probably be exchanged for darshan tokens sometime in the evening.]

Journey to town

Yesterday, I had to go to town for a variety of reasons. Prior to 2006 when we went to town we had to take a canoe. When the tsunami hit in 2004 Amma transported everyone in the village and ashram to the mainland by boat because there was no nearby bridge. Over the next two years, the ashram built a bridge so people could get off the peninsula in an emergency. Having the bridge has also made it possible for us to walk to town whenever we want to go there.

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The view from the bridge is gorgeous. This is what I saw when I went to town yesterday.

On the way back, I stopped at a shop and bought some fruit and crackers. The picture of the cashew crackers on the front of the box made them look so good. After I purchased them, someone asked what the ingredients list said. I took a look. No cashews at all! I imagine one of the “flavorings” that are mentioned on the ingredient list is something that tastes like cashews!

I remember hearing this year in the U.S. that one fast food company, I think it was McDonalds, was going to start using more real food. The example that was given was that they were going to use real black pepper! I was perplexed. Why would anyone use fake black pepper? It didn’t seem like black pepper would be an expensive ingredient, certainly not as expensive as cashews.

T-shirt

I saw a t-shirt I liked the other day. On the back it said:

Love & Serve

Give & Forgive

~Amma

More Leelas

While leelas mean “God’s Play,” they don’t tend to be fun. I see them as challenges, tests, lessons, etc. They can lead to an emotional roller coaster. Sometimes when one happens over and over like what I described above, all you can do is shake your head and laugh, and continue riding the wave, roller coaster, or whatever metaphor you want to use.

I felt sad after I lost my time card. I knew the crowds would be really big starting this coming weekend, and I thought that last night would be the only time I would have a chance to go for Amma’s hug until just before I leave the ashram in January. For the next couple of hours I looked for the man who was in charge of the tokens for Westerners. I didn’t think he would replace the lost time card, but it never hurts to ask. I never saw him, and it was getting late. Even though it was only about 8 pm I was so tired.

I decided to go talk to my daughter Chaitanya and see if she had any advice. She has nothing to do with tokens in India but she is one of the people in charge of them on the foreign tours so I thought she might have an idea. I really wanted to go for darshan that night. As we were talking, Chaitanya glanced out of the cafe window and saw that the token person was standing right there! She asked him if he was going to be able to hand out more tokens that night and he said only to people who had just arrived or were leaving. I told him I had lost my time card. He said “Oh, you had a time card? Here, you can have the last of the ‘regular’ darshan tokens!” I was happy and relieved. I could have my hug, and the leela was over, maybe.

For the next hour or so I waited in the line and got my time with Amma. So nice. I felt content and headed for my room. As I got near the elevator, I looked for the key to my room and discovered it was gone. That was another one of those shaking my head times. To me these experiences are practice in staying calm, going with the flow, being patient, being persistent, letting go, and/or learning to do whatever it takes. I reviewed where the key could possibly be. I had locked the room when I left it and put the key in my bag. The only thing that made sense was that I must have dropped the key when I pulled my wallet out of the bag to buy some fruit to give Amma during my darshan. I walked back to that table and found the people who staffed it in the last stages of putting everything away. I asked the woman if she had found a key and she handed my key to me! I was very thankful that the leela was short lived.

This morning, I discovered this set of leelas still aren’t done, which is no surprise. I had not gone to the morning prayers the day before, so forced myself to get out of bed for them this morning. When I was ready to leave my room for the temple, I discovered my chanting book was not in the place I leave it EVERY day when I return from the prayers. I quickly looked around the room and it was nowhere to be found. Did I drop it when I came back from the prayers two days ago? Or will it show up out of nowhere like the other items? Who knows.

The only chanting book I could find was a copy I have that is written in Devanagari script (Sanskrit). By then I was so late for the prayers that there was no way I was going to find where they were in the book, particularly when I would be reading it in Sanskrit script. I haven’t studied any Sanskrit since I’ve been here so thought maybe I was supposed to be working on that. I stayed in my room and read the chant from that book, slowly, until the people in the temple were finished with the morning prayers. Looks like it is going to be another day of challenge. Oh…. and I found the lost tweezers within a minute of finding out I had lost the chanting book!

“I will accept each challenge as it comes and will learn and grow as a result.”

To see the earlier posts in this series go to: https://livinglearningandlettinggo.wordpress.com/india/

What a Difference Attitude Can Make!

Soon after I arrived in Amritapuri, I had the foolish thought that this might be the year that I don’t have any experiences to share. I say foolish because I don’t believe there ever was any remote possibility that could happen.

My first week was full of challenges. In hindsight, I see that I was receiving endless opportunities to choose between two possible attitudes. For example:

I could lament that I left my good thongs in Seattle, or instead choose to be grateful that I had felt drawn to pick up and pack a cheap pair of thongs that, for the last two years, had been lying on the floor of an empty room where I work.
I could suffer about the fact that my internet stick was not where I believed I had left it last January or instead choose to do what it took to get another one.
I could berate myself for not remembering that I needed to bring a water filter or instead choose to look for creative ways to solve the problem.
I could bemoan that the seva (volunteer work) I look forward to most in Amritapuri (separating worms from the fertilizer they produce) was no longer an option or instead choose to appreciate that I would have more time to support the development of the Christmas play.
I could obsess about the seemingly endless internet and phone problems I was experiencing or instead choose to see those problems as opportunities to practice equanimity while doing what needed to be done to solve them, one step at a time.

I will describe three other examples in more detail:

1) The evening of December 2, I was about to go to my room when someone walked up to me and asked if I would be willing to hand Amma prasad (the candy she gives devotees after she hugs them). That is one of my favorite sevas so I eagerly accepted the invitation and joined the prasad line. As I reached the front of the line and took the position next to Amma, a western man came for his hug. He started speaking to her in beginner’s level Malayalam. Amma and he were having a great time laughing about his speaking attempt. Afterwards, he handed Amma three malas (prayer bead necklaces). He wanted Amma to put them on him. Once she did that, he pulled out another handful of malas made from a different substance and asked her to put those on him too. He went through that sequence two more times. The last set was a handful of about 15 rosewood malas. It was a rather bizarre scene, especially since he was now wearing around 30 malas. I imagined he had plans to give them away to friends at home but having her put them on him was a rather bizarre change from normal practice of simply asking Amma to bless the malas he would be giving as gifts. Amma and he were laughing and so was everyone who was witnessing the incident. To me it seemed like “no accident” that I was present for that entire encounter.

I had not been able to sleep for more than two or three hours at a time since I arrived in India on November 28, so was hopeful that night would be different. You can imagine how upset I was when, after 2 ½ hours of sleep, there was a huge ruckus between nearby dogs. Once I wake up, sleep is over for the night. How long could I live like this? I had to get some sleep! Would the dogs start barking again? Would they continue to be a problem throughout my stay? It didn’t even occur to me that they hadn’t barked during the previous nights and dogs had never been a problem in the past. I was too sleepy and too lost in fear of the future to think clearly.

It did occur to me that I had been in bliss when I went to bed and now felt like I was in hell. I realized it was a good example of how quickly our minds can change our reality. While I struggled with the fear for the rest of the night, I found it immensely helpful to recall my experience of witnessing the interaction between Amma and the man with the malas. As I smiled with the memory, I let go of some of my tension. What a gift that prasad experience had been for me. So in a situation like this, I could choose to stay in the fear, or consciously focus on a time when I was happy, reminding myself that this current challenge will pass.

2) With the ongoing lack of sleep, it soon became obvious I was developing a cold. On the afternoon of December 4, I felt strongly pulled into sleep and I slept almost continually for the next 36 hours, getting up only for meals and for meeting bathroom needs. I realized I could focus on how many things I was missing out on while I was sleeping or could instead choose to be grateful that:

as I moved in and out of sleep when Amma was leading bhajans (devotional songs) that night, I heard small portions of them from my room. Each bhajan segment I became aware of was a favorite of mine. I wasn’t sure whether I was really hearing the songs or if I was dreaming I was hearing them. Regardless of whether it was a dream or reality, I could choose to believe that experience was a gift from Amma to me.

during the short time I went downstairs for dinner on Dec. 5, Swami Pranavamrita sang Kalam Kanalu and a Swami Ayyappa song. I have a special history with both of those songs so I could choose to take them as yet another gift to me.

since I have been sleeping around the clock the swelling in my feet has gone away. Perhaps the jet lag will also be gone when this illness has run its course! I can choose to believe that my sickness has multiple purposes and they are all good ones.

3) I have felt pulled to learn Tai Chi for several years but the pull was not strong enough for me to take action. Before I left Seattle, I knew that this was the year for me to start, so I enrolled in the classes as soon as I arrived in Amritapuri. One lesson was all I needed to take to know that it was so right for me. The process quickly brought my mind and body into a meditative stillness. I could tell some part of me recognized the moves and knew what to do. I could berate myself for taking this long to begin, or I could choose to remember that my life will unfold in its own time and acknowledge that now must be the perfect time for me to start Tai Chi.

All in all, during the eight days I have been at the ashram, I think I have done a pretty good job of choosing to not make myself miserable by taking on negative attitudes and instead consciously choosing positive ones. The time I was least successful in that endeavor was the night the dogs woke me up. All of these events have reminded me that I can choose my attitude towards the lessons, challenges, and tests that come my way, and that my attitude will make a significant difference in my experience.

Living and Learning in Amritapuri, India (Nov. 26-28, 2015)

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Almost every year since January 1990, I have visited the Amritapuri ashram of Mata Amritanandamayi (who is more commonly referred to as Amma) in Kerala, India. Amma is an internationally known spiritual leader and humanitarian. My adult son (Sreejit) and daughter (Chaitanya) have lived in her ashram for many years so I am also blessed to be able to spend time with them when I come to India. I know from years of experience that my trip will be packed with learning and experiences. I look forward to sharing them with you.

Journey to India

I left Seattle on Thanksgiving Day this year. I was eager to be at my India “home” but dreaded the long trip. On Emirates flights, I am able to make the journey in 24 hours, but it is still grueling. The flight from Seattle to Dubai takes 14 hours; followed by a two hour layover in Dubai, a four hour flight to Trivandrum, an hour or more to get through immigration, customs and retrieving baggage, and then a two to three hour taxi ride to the ashram.

Last year, I was surprised and ecstatic when the airlines gave me an unexpected upgrade to business class for the 14 hour segment. That gift made my journey so much easier. That was the first time I had been upgraded in the 25 years I’ve been going to India, but for the last few months I found myself hoping it would happen again. I believe the best way to achieve a desire is to let go of it, but seemed unable to do that. I yearned to once again experience the luxury of lying down during an international flight. It was not to be however.

Something I really appreciated happened when I was waiting for my baggage in Trivandrum. My name was announced over the loud speaker and I was directed to come to the baggage counter. Once there, they handed me the Kindle I had left in the airplane. I had planned on reading during the flight but dosed off instead and had completely forgotten I had taken it out of my carry-on suitcase.

This scenario was even more remarkable when I compared it to something that had occurred this past summer in the United States. In that instance, I had also left an item on a plane. When I realized my error, I called the airline’s Lost and Found department and gave them my flight and seat number. I was told that the airlines only had three people to handle Lost and Found for the whole country and that I should keep calling back. They said it often took three months to know whether an item had been found. I called many times and finally gave up. And now, in India, the airport staff had tracked me down before I even left the airport. I left the airport feeling cared for and honored. It was such a good example of the kindness of the Emirates staff and the Indian people.

November 28

I’m home! I’m exhausted but content. Normally I get to the ashram before Amma returns from her fall European and U.S. tour, but this year the tour was over earlier than normal so she arrived in Amritapuri before me.

My taxi pulled into the ashram grounds at 7 a.m. After spending a short time visiting with my children, I generally start unpacking and washing the clothes and bedding that has been stored since I left the previous January. This time, when I unlocked my flat, I discovered Chaitanya had cleaned the room and even made the bed. Oh that bed looked so good after no solid sleep for 36 hours. I unpacked for a while and then decided I was too tired to be hand washing all of the laundry in buckets so I took a nap instead! That change in behavior was a first for me. I wonder how many other “firsts” there will be this year.

I always watch for changes that have occurred in the ashram since I was last here. On arrival, I noticed that the ground of the courtyard in front of the temple now is covered by large patio stones with grass separating them. It is quite beautiful and makes it much easier to transport luggage and other items from one place to another. I found the biggest change, however, in the huge auditorium. After a decade or more, there are now fans hanging from the ceiling, 35 of them! My eyes really opened in shock and delight when I saw them. Having the breeze during the evening bhajans (devotional singing) on my first night was wonderful.

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One would think that Amma would take time to rest after returning from such a grueling tour, but of course that isn’t what happened. She came out in the afternoon and sang with us and then gave darshan (her form of blessing is a hug) to visitors who were staying only a short time. In the evening she came again for the bhajans. She sang so many of the old, beautiful Malayalam songs. I feel so blessed to be here!

Letting Go and Lightening Up

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For years, I taught a workshop that included a guided imagery experience where participants, in their mind’s eye, emptied every room in their house and placed the contents of those rooms outside onto an ever-growing pile of belongings. I also had them visualize how big a nomad’s pile might be if he did the same thing.

Can you imagine creating that kind of a pile for yourself, i.e. removing every item from your living room, bedrooms, kitchen, bathrooms, dining room, basement, garage and every other room in your house and turning it into a mountain of belongings? How big would your pile be? Do the same process for a nomad. How does your pile compare to the nomad’s?

Next, I had the participants add all of the earth’s resources they believe they use in a year’s time to their piles, and asked them to “see” the nomad doing the same.

What would your pile look like if you added all the food you eat, the trash you discard, as well as all of the water, oil, natural gas, gasoline, wood and other resources you use in a year to your other belongings? See the nomad doing the same thing. How does your pile compare to the nomad’s?

Through that guided imagery, I hoped to give the workshop participants a sense of the “weight” belongings may add to their lives. I also wanted to give them a taste of the difference between wants and needs. Many attendees left that workshop with plans to organize a garage sale as soon as possible!

Does seeing your mountain of belongings give you a sense of being burdened or weighed down? How many of your belongings are wants and how many are needs? How many of your wants are very important to you?

I have lived in the same house in Seattle since 1973. You can imagine how much “stuff” I could have accumulated in 42 years. I have always valued experiences over material belongings though, so have used my financial resources to take trips to India rather than buying a lot of material possessions.

Even so, over the years my shelves, drawers, and closets filled. Around eight years ago, I decided I was going to give away anything I hadn’t used in the last five years, unless I planned to use the item in the near future. One of the articles I gave away at that point was a loom I had purchased in 1974. I hadn’t used the loom since my children were born. For decades, I told myself I would start using it once my son and daughter grew up and left home. They both moved out in the 90’s and I still hadn’t use the loom, so in 2007, I added it to my “to go” pile. I did a major purging of stuff that year.

Several years later, I felt compelled to go through my belongings again. This time I wanted to create an empty shelf every place in the house where shelves were located. I loved the sense of relaxation and peace I felt when I gazed at those open spaces. The shelves stayed empty until I decided to take in a roommate; at that time the empty shelves were needed for the roommate’s possessions.

Last year, I again felt pulled to reduce my belongings. The desire was so strong I wondered if something was about to happen. Was I going to be moving? Was I preparing for my impending death? (I have no terminal disease but fantasies can take any form!) I still don’t know the “why” but even as I write this post, my yearning to further decrease my possessions is stronger than ever.

Now I am giving away anything that I haven’t used in the last two years unless I have a strong desire to keep it. Once again, I have become a regular at the Goodwill drop off station!

I am loving the sense of lightening-up I am experiencing as I continue to let go of personal belongings I no longer need or want!

My Journey Towards Humility

“A true genius admits that he/she knows nothing.” Albert Einstein

“It is unwise to be too sure of one’s own wisdom. It is healthy to be reminded that the strongest might weaken and the wisest might err.” Mahatma Gandhi

“I will not ask thee for improved memory, only for a little more humility and less self-assurance when my own memory doesn’t agree with that of others. Teach me the glorious lesson that occasionally I may be wrong.” An Anonymous Abbess

“Acting with humility does not in any way deny our own self-worth. Rather it affirms the inherent worth of all persons. Some would consider humility to be a psychological malady that interferes with “success.” However, wealth, power or status gained at the expense of others brings only anxiety- never peace and love.” Commentary on Christian Bible Reference Site

Humility, among other things, is the absence of arrogance. One of the ways I am most likely to be arrogant is to hold on to a belief that I am right and others are wrong. I may verbalize my opinion and then stay silent, but internally I am very likely to be holding on to my rightness.

Two situations from the past come to mind when I think of ways I’ve worked on this issue: Continue reading “My Journey Towards Humility” →

Be Careful What You Wish For

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In the late 80’s and early 90’s there was a period of several years when I had a series of mystical experiences. Even though they may have been frightening at times, they were also fascinating and exciting. A whole new world was opening up for me, one that was very different from my normal logical left brain way of being in the world.

Back then, I would frequently enter spontaneous trance states, i.e. altered states of consciousness. I remember once sensing that part of me was at a party, one that the rest of me wasn’t allowed to go to. At the time, I believed that the pain of leaving that “party” would have been so tremendous that my not being allowed to go there completely was my unconscious mind’s way of protecting me from having to feel so much grief. Continue reading “Be Careful What You Wish For” →