Letting Go of Suffering- Week 4: Why Do I Suffer?

The task for this week and the next will be to explore WHY you suffer, e.g. why you are suffering now as an adult and why you learned to suffer as a child. The primary tool you will use is Pam Levin’s “Think Structure” (Cycles of Power). This structure will help you 1) organize your thinking and 2) determine what motivates or drives the behaviors that lead you to suffering.

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Example 1

Situation: I agreed to help a friend move to a new apartment and even though I didn’t want to do it. I feel mad that I am not spending my day doing what I want to do. This would not have happened if I had said “No” in the first place, but I was afraid to do that.

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Example 2

Situation: I want to go to the movie but I am afraid that if I ask my friend to go, she will say “NO” to me, so I stay home alone.

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Your turn! Think of recent times when you had trouble 1) saying “NO” and 2) asking for what you want. Fill in the practice exercises below. If you can’t think of recent incidents, use experiences from the past.

Practice Exercise 1

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Practice Exercise 2

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During the rest of the week, be aware of times you are suffering. Use the Think Structure to help you sort out what is going on for you. If you have no incidents of suffering during the week, complete the structures from incidents in the past. If you have trouble identifying when you are suffering, use some of the behaviors you identified in Exercise 1 of Lesson 2. Complete at least three more Think Structures this week.

Practice Exercise 3

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Feel free to share or ask for feedback on Think Structures that you come up with!

See you next Monday for the fifth lesson.

To find the lessons in this series that have already been published click here.

The Stately Coconut Palm Tree

The tree that first grabbed my attention in Saraswati Gardens was one of the palm trees. It is VERY tall, although not as tall as the Kapok tree and has such an interesting base. I wonder how old it is.

Someone told me that some of the holes in the trunk might have been created by coconut pickers (for foot and hand holds) who were climbing the tree to harvest the coconuts.

I’m going to share the coconut palm tree photographs from top to bottom.

To look at previous posts in this Amritapuri series, click here.

Living and Learning in Amritapuri, India: December 8-11, 2016

Tai Chi

We’ve had three Tai Chi classes so far. I so appreciate having the opportunity to take the daily class. In 2015, it lasted an hour; this year it is 1 ½- 1 ¾ hours. Needless to say, I’m in heaven. Being able to do Tai Chi near the beach with beauty in front and over me makes it even more wonderful.

Seva

Devotees are encouraged to do seva while they are here. Seva means selfless service, i.e. volunteer work. There is a seemingly endless number of seva opportunities at the ashram. Think about the fact that five thousand devotees live here and there may be a thousand, or more, visitors every day.

Closer to Christmas there will be 1600 Western visitors plus thousands of Indians. Imagine what it takes to feed and house them, and you will get a sense of the amount of work that needs to be done.

My seva has taken an unexpected turn. For many years, I have helped sew the costumes for the Christmas play. I have experienced an increasing amount of resistance to that job over the last few years, but have continued to do it because the work needed to be done and I wanted to support Jani who is in charge of the costumes and Chaitanya who produces the play.

A few days ago, two friends of mine invited me to join the Sanskrit class they are taking. I had stopped studying Sanskrit about eight months ago. The Indian students learn so fast, since their native languages have a lot of Sanskrit in them, so no matter how many times I take the classes, I reach a point where I am unable to understand the teacher or the students (the classes are all taught in Sanskrit).

My friends’ invitation re-ignited my desire to learn that language. I knew there was no way I could add anything to my schedule without giving something up. I was also concerned about how I would fit in the significant amount of homework the teacher gives.

As I pondered this situation, I started ripping out Velcro from old costumes. My head was lowered as I used the seam ripper on the tiny stitches. My neck started hurting and before long I had a painful headache. All of a sudden, I was flooded with, “I DO NOT want to do this work (i.e. sewing) anymore.”

My desire to stop was stronger than my desire to help Jani and Chaitanya. I told both of them what I had decided. Neither of them was upset that I was not going to help. I was filled with relief and felt so much lighter. (I generally have no trouble saying NO but this situation was an exception!)

I’m still deciding about the Sanskrit class. I have the homework for the next class and will see how long it takes me to do it. The class meets for an hour on Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays.

Now that I have stopped sewing, I will spend time every day working in the Saraswati Garden. I am very excited about that seva.

Schedule

My schedule is becoming more settled.

6:00-7:30 Wake up, shower, clean room, do laundry, check email, check CNN, check blog, work on blog posts or other computer projects.

7:45-8:30 Breakfast

8:45 -9:20 More of the above

9:30-11:30 Tai Chi (every day but Tuesday) I consider Tai Chi to be my form of spiritual practice.

12:30- 1:00 Lunch (On Tuesday Amma comes for meditation, question and answers and then serves lunch. That process generally goes from 11:00-2:00.)

1:00-2:00 Watch play practice

3:00ish-5:00 Saraswati Gardens (If I take the Sanskrit class I will start earlier and leave earlier on those days because it is a 20-minute walk to the class.)

5-6 Sanskrit class on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday

5:30-6:30 Meditation and Q and A with Amma at beach… on Monday and Friday

6:30-8:30 bhajans (singing)

8:30-9:00 dinner

9-10:00 check email, work on blog

10:00 or 10:30 bedtime

Wednesday, Thursday, Saturday and Sunday are Amma’s public darshan days. They start around 10:00 a.m. and can go until 1 or 2 the next day; they rarely end before midnight. My goal is to give Amma prasad and/or spend some time watching her at some point during each darshan day.

Breakfast visitor

A Kingfisher bird was perched near the table where I had breakfast yesterday. I thought it was stunning. I found a photo to show you on Wikipedia.

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White flowers of peace

Every time Amma leads a mediation, she asks us to visualize white flowers of peace falling onto every person, animal, and plant on earth. When she does that, I always think of all the beautiful white flowers I have seen in Amritapuri.

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I love the path that leads to the Saraswati garden.

In a previous post, I mentioned that the garden staff had tried to harvest turmeric root earlier in the week but when they only found a few small roots they decided it wasn’t ready. The next day, they realized they needed to dig deeper. When they did, they found lots of roots; roots that were ready for harvesting.

Yesterday, Padma cooked and then sliced them. When I went to the garden today, I saw that she had set them in the sun to dry.

Some days I work in the garden and sometimes I help Padma with the dye project. Twice, I’ve gathered and petaled marigold flowers.

One of the items they are making in the Saraswati center are prayer flags. If I remember right, the material at the top of the photo below was dyed with marigolds, and the one on the bottom was dyed with turmeric.

The last two days, I’ve helped research ways of making paint from marigolds.

Christmas Eve play

The play preparations are well underway. There are rehearsals going on all day, from morning to late at night. (Play participants also do their sevas so they have a very full day.)

Individual scenes are being rehearsed now and then the week before Christmas they will all be put together. I have watched at least part of a rehearsal every day, and when I am in my room at night, I can still hear the singers practicing. For a few minutes tonight, I watched the cast practice one of the dances.

The backdrop for the play is being painted on the porch of the Saraswati garden so I have been able to watch that process as well. I think it is beautiful.

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To look at previous posts in this Amritapuri series, click here.

Be Like a Bird Perched on a Dry Twig

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Amma tells us to be like a bird perched on a dry twig, ready to fly at a moment’s notice. That doesn’t mean that we should live from a fear based hyper-vigilance but rather we need to learn to live consciously, adapting to each change that comes our way.

Amma gives us a plenty of opportunities to learn that lesson, some directly, and some indirectly. I am going to share two recent experiences that were, in my mind, chances to practice that teaching.

Giving Prasad

In an earlier post, I mentioned that we are able to hand Amma the prasad that she gives each person who comes to her for a hug. For as long as I can remember, the type of prasad she has given in India has been a piece of hard candy wrapped in a packet of sacred ash. We have handed her those packets three at a time.

When I received the instructions for giving prasad on Wednesday, I was told we would be giving Amma chocolate Hershey’s kisses wrapped in an ash packet instead of the hard candy packets. Those would be given to her two at a time since the Hershey’s kisses are so much bigger than the hard candies.

When I joined the prasad line on Thursday, I was told that we would be alternating what we would give Amma. The first time we handed her prasad, we would give her three packets with the hard candy and ash. The next time, we would give her two packets with the Hershey’s kisses and ash.

When I reached Amma, however, I discovered that the devotees were handing her two packets, one with a Hershey’s kiss and ash, and one with the hard candy and ash. Amma had changed the instructions yet again!

I laughed at the leela. I laughed even more when I received my own hug that night and Amma handed me a flower petal and a Hershey’s kiss. That is the type of prasad we receive during the North American tour, but to my knowledge it has never been the custom in Amritapuri.

To me, this was a good example of being the bird perched on the dry twig. We had to be ready for the type of prasad to change at any moment and adjust accordingly.

Tai Chi

The second example occurred during my Tai Chi class. Soon after I arrived at the ashram this year, I visited the beach area we had used for the class last year. I found it full of construction debris. A few days later, it had been cleaned up so it seemed like we would be able to meet there after all.

Even in the best of times, the class is interrupted by an occasional truck, bicycle, or bus that wants to go through that area. Today was one of those days when so much came our way that it got funny. It was another darshan day, but this time the crowd was huge. When we arrived for the class, there were already two parked buses in the area. They bordered the space we were planning to use. Once the class started, two more buses drove onto the grounds and parked nearby.

About half way through the class, a truck with some construction supplies tried to go through our area to the building beyond. There was no room for them to do that, because of the parked buses, so the driver just parked in the space we were using and started carrying the supplies to the construction area. Clearly, we had no priority.

There are two other areas on the beach that could potentially work, but there seems to be a new routine at the ashram. When the ashram cows are walked in the morning, they are taken to the beach and tied to trees, where they “hang out” for hours. Today there were eight cows in that area of the beach.

What could we do? We would have to hold our class a few feet from the cows. So we did just that. And I loved it!

When we become like a bird perched on a dry twig, ready to fly at a moments notice, we are able to adapt what comes our way. Each challenge is an opportunity to practice detachment, surrender, equanimity, patience, persistence and flexibility.

To look at previous posts in this Amritapuri series, click here.

A Visitor Came

This beauty came to visit Advait and me as we were creating a new compost pile in Saraswati Garden today. I believe it is a Dhyal bird.

Advait has been talking to it daily, but he said this is the first time the bird hasn’t flown away. It seemed to me that the bird was enjoying posing for photos!

The breast of the bird is white; as is the underneath portion of the tail. At one point when it was posing, it turned around so I could see the white part of its tail. I regret that I wasn’t quick enough to take a photo.

To look at previous posts in this Amritapuri series, click here.

Making A Difference

Many years ago, at the the end of the programs in each city on Amma‘s North American tour, there was an announcement that contained a story about a squirrel who contributed to the building of the Rama Setu bridge. The squirrel participated by rolling in the sand and then going to the end of the bridge and shaking the sand off, chanting the name of Lord Rama throughout the process.

Lord Rama rewarded the squirrel by picking him up and stroking his back. From then on, this type of squirrel had three stripes on its back, stripes that went from head to tail. The stripes are seen as Lord Rama’s fingers. At Amma’s programs, this story was used to teach that everything we do to contribute makes a difference.

I remember thinking that what was called a squirrel in the story must be what we call a chipmunk. Since then, I have learned that the squirrel is a palm squirrel and it the same size as a large chipmunk.

On one of the first days I was in the Saraswati garden, I heard a sound. I thought it was a bird at first, but when I followed the sound, I discovered it came from the squirrel in the picture at the top of this post. I didn’t know squirrels were so loud! Here are two more photos of that squirrel:

A few days ago, I saw another squirrel in the garden; or maybe it was the same one. I feel so privileged to have been able to watch squirrels like the one in the story I have heard so many times.

To look at previous posts in this Amritapuri series, click here.

Living and Learning in Amritapuri, India: December 5-7, 2016

Time with Amma

Amma has been coming to the hall for bhajans ever 392459_424932434197260_100000415226106_1515768_2126126191_n y night since she returned from the Europe and U.S. tour. On Monday evening, we thought she would also be coming to the beach to meditate with us. Traditionally that gathering occurs at 5:00.

I left my flat late, so expected that Amma would have already started the meditation. When I walked by her house, though, I noticed quite a few people were standing at the bottom of her stairs. That meant she was still there.

When I arrived at the beach it was 5:30. About 15 minutes later, someone either heard or made up that Amma wasn’t going to come and got up to leave. That rumor (if it was a rumor) spread quickly and many people headed back to the ashram. I decided to leave as well.

As I was stacking my chair on the others, I heard someone say, “Amma is coming.” Everyone started running back to the beach creating a lot of chaos. Amma arrived soon thereafter, laughing. There is Sanskrit word that means God’s play. That word is leela. This whole thing felt like a leela to me.

Once Amma arrived at the beach, she led a short meditation and sang one bhajan. She then gave darshan (hugs) to the people who were leaving that evening. Afterwards, she walked to the auditorium for evening bhajans. (Note: Amma has given hugs to 36 million people!)

On Tuesday, Amma came to the auditorium around 11:00 a.m. for meditation and questions and answers. She then served lunch to all of the residents and visitors. This happens every Tuesday that Amma is in the ashram.

Normally, everyone comes to Amma to pick up their plate. This time she passed the plates to the people in front of her and they handed them back until everyone in the auditorium had a plate of food. There were at least two thousand people there, and probably more. It took a lot of time to do it that way, but probably less than the time it takes for everyone to walk to the front. No one eats until everyone is served the the meal prayers are sung.

Today (Wednesday) was the day I planned to get my hug. It seemed like a comparatively small crowd so I thought it might happen. I knew from experience though, that there was a good chance it would be another leela.

In the morning, I waited in the long Westerner’s token line. We were told that anyone who hadn’t gone on the autumn tour could go for darshan today. Just as I got to the front of the token line, the directions changed. At that point, we were told that we should wait to have darshan tomorrow unless we were leaving the ashram today. This was definitely a familiar leela for me and a chance to practice letting go, equanimity, and seeing the humor in the situation.

During the afternoon, I walked by the area where Amma was giving darshan and noticed the prasad line. I had forgotten all about prasad giving even though that is one of my favorite things to do. Prasad is a gift to or from a spiritual being. Amma’s form of prasad is the sacred ash and piece of candy she gives each person who comes to her. The prasad giver is the person who hands Amma that prasad.

Before long, it was my turn. As always, I enjoyed being that close to Amma. Often the word “home” goes through my mind each time I hand the prasad to her. I love that experience.

Tonight, Swami Pranavamrita, who is one of my favorite singers, sang Amme Yi Jivende, which used to be one of my favorite bhajans. I still remember a time in the early 90’s when I was sleeping on a devotee’s roof during a program in Trivandrum. As I lay there, I heard a Swami singing that song in the nearby ashram and it felt like he was singing a lullaby to the infant part of me. Tears rolled down my cheeks as I listened to the song and recalled that long ago incident.

As I am finishing this post, Amma has been giving darshan for 10 1/2 hours with no end in sight. I am likely to be asleep long before she finishes.

Saraswati Garden

I’ve spent some time in the garden almost every day. One day, I watered most of it. I really enjoyed giving attention to every plant. An edible plant was pointed out to me. I ate two of its leaves and loved it. Do any of you know anything about the plant in the photo below? I want to grow it in Seattle!

In one of my last posts, I mentioned salvaging bricks from the construction waste. They will be used for projects in the garden. Here is a photo of one of those waste piles:

Yesterday, the garden staff planned to dig up the root of a turmeric plant so that they could make dye from it. They checked two plants and decided that the roots weren’t ready for harvesting yet. I was able to take a photo of the root before they covered it up again. There is a lot of turmeric growing throughout the garden.

Tai Chi

My Tai Chi class will begin tomorrow. I am SOOOOOOOOOOOO happy. I was given a special gift yesterday. The teacher was going to check out the room we will use and asked if I wanted to go there with her. She said we could do some Tai Chi together while we were there. Needless to say I jumped at the chance.

The room was in the Ayurvedic building which is located near the beach. It would an okay room, but the car traffic was VERY loud. (Everyone incessantly honks in India as the drivers weave in and out of traffic. That happens even on the small beach road.)

We practiced the full 108 moves of the Yang Tai Chi form. I was in heaven. She does the moves a little different than we do in my Seattle class, but the Tai Chi I learned in Amritapuri last year came back to me so fast. My body definitely has memory of its own. My mind just has to catch up. I suspect I’ve been doing Tai Chi for many lifetimes.

As we left the building, we saw a place outdoors where we will probably hold the class. I am excited for tomorrow to come.

Play preparations

The preparations for this year’s play are underway. When I was walking back to my flat two days ago, I heard Sreejit singing. I followed the sound and found the musicians practicing. I listened awhile. The music was so beautiful.

This afternoon was the first time everyone participating in the play met. Chaitanya went over some logistical information and then talked about the play. She told the story, scene by scene. If you haven’t seen the photos from last year’s play that I posted during my layover in Dubai, take a look.

There are some pigs in the play and this morning Jani and I went to the kitchen to see Chaitanya with pig noses on. She started laughing when she spotted us. (Jani designs and sews most of the costumes. I help with the sewing.)

Rupees

I was asked to give an update on the money situation. It is difficult to get the 2000 rupee bills cashed and the banks and ATMs only give out 2000 rupee bills. I have found a few ways to get small change so I’m okay, but it isn’t easy. Everyone certainly has to think twice before spending money. This problem has to be hurting the merchants so much.

Weather

Last year, the weather at the ashram was hotter than I had ever experienced in December. When I reached the ashram this year, it was hot again. Over the next two days it got considerably cooler. One night, I even put on a long sleeve shirt when I went out. That night I didn’t turn on the fan in my room for the first time in memory. The next night during bhajans, the fans in the auditorium were all on and I got really cold. I didn’t want to walk out, but towards the end I went to the back of the room. I eventually returned to my room and put on a flannel shirt. That’s a first!

One afternoon, it rained hard. After ten minutes, it was over and the sun came out. The last few days it has been back to hot.

Exercise

I’ve noticed more and more people are exercising by circumambulating the auditorium. Each round is about 1/5 of a mile. Some people walk casually, some jog. A few days ago, I saw a woman around my age power walk around it for at least half an hour. I tried circumambulating it one day but stopped after four rounds. It was too hot for me!

Yesterday, I heard that Amma had told the brahmacharinis (female monks) that they should circumamulate the temple and the auditorium 9 times a day. That would double the length of the walk. I wonder what directions she gave the men. They can’t walk the same route the women are taking because it goes through the brahmacharinis’ living area.

I don’t concern myself about exercise here. I walk more than double the distance I walk in Seattle just in the normal course of living. Once the holidays come, the crowds will get big. At that point, I will start walking up the stairs rather than waiting for the elevator ,so that will add even more exercise to my day.

This post is long enough, and it is time for me to go to bed so I will stop for now. I hope all is well for you and yours.

To look at previous posts in this Amritapuri series, click here.

Wordless Wednesday

Amma Quote

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The success of one’s life depends upon one’s ability to forget what is not relevant at the moment.

Amma

Letting Go of Suffering: Week 3- What Would Your World Be Like If You Didn’t Suffer?

Walt Disney once said, “If you can dream it, you can do it.” Many years ago, Pam Levin taught me that the first step in manifesting your vision is to have one.

The exercises for this week are devoted to imagining what your life would be like if you didn’t ruminate about the past, worry about the future or do the unhealthy behaviors that you know make you miserable.

Exercise 1

Identifying Your Vision

Take a few deep breaths. Focus on “breathing in relaxation” and “breathing out tension.” Let your body settle into the chair you are sitting on, or the bed or floor on which you are lying. As you begin to relax, let yourself imagine what your life would be if you were no longer immersed in suffering.

Let the images come and your new world develop. When you are ready, bring yourself back into the present and then answer the questions in this exercise. If you need to, close your eyes and go back into your new world to get the answer to a question.

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Exercise 2

To make your vision become a part of your life, spend 10-30 minutes a day for the next five days putting yourself into a meditative state (through breathing slowly and allowing yourself to relax) and then experiencing your new world. Feel what it feels like to live there. Experience whatever you experience. Let your new life develop in your mind’s eye. Jot down some notes in the spaces below.

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As you identify other components you would like to have in your new world, add them to your vision. Periodically, throughout your life, refer to the two exercises in this lesson to see where you are in creating that vision. Each time, see if there are areas you want to add, or parts you want to let go of. Decide which part of your vision you want to work on next. Don’t feed suffering by expecting your life to change all at once. You will create you vision one day, or even one step, at a time.

See you next Monday for the fourth lesson.

To find the lessons in this series that have already been published click here.