Challenge for Growth Prompt #9: Message to a Child

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Message to a child

This week’s challenge is:

“Today I say something to a child that I wish
had been said to me when I was young.”

Did you hear the things that you needed to hear during your formative years? Were you given enough guidance, enough love, enough validation? Are there words that you wish you had heard from your parents or other adults during your childhood or teenage years?

This week, for 1, 2, 3 days or longer say something to a child (or teenager) that you wish had been said to you when you were young.

Sometime during the week, write a post about some aspect of this topic or about experiences you had when you spoke to the youngster(s). Feel free to use whatever form you desire: i.e., prose, story, poem, photograph, etc. (If you don’t have a blog, please share your thoughts and experiences in the comment section below.)

General Prompt Information:

New prompts will be posted at 5 a.m. (PST) every Wednesday.

Since it is easier to make behavioral changes if we focus on them one day at a time, each of the weekly challenges will start with “Today, I focus on…….” It will be up to you to decide how long you want to focus on a particular challenge— one, two, three days or even longer. At some point during the week, publish a post that relates in some way to the subject of the week.

Link your post back to this prompt post. If the pingback doesn’t work, then leave the link to your post in the comment section below. Be sure to include “Challenge for Growth Prompts” as one of your tags.

Throughout the week, I will publish the links for the posts that were created as the result of this prompt. I will also post the links from those who participated the previous week. That way they will be seen by anyone who comes to this page.

This week’s contributors to: Message to a Child

I Love You…- Living, Learning and Letting Go

saying it real (troiku ~ narrative)- Traces of the Soul

For You- Nik’s Place

How about you?

Last week’s contributors to: Stop Repetitive Thinking

“Stay in the Present and Stop Thinking” – Living, Learning and Letting Go

Stop Repetitive Thinking- Home and Loving It

Mind: Shut Up Already!- Traces of the Soul

Challenge for Growth Prompt #8/stop repetitive thinking- Annette’s Place

Tools for Dealing with Repetitive Thinking- Living, Learning and Letting Go

My thinking corner/thoughts for the week- Annette’s Place

Hush…- Nik’s Place

Challenge for Growth Prompts: February Summary 2016

The first Challenge for Growth Prompt was published on January 6, 2016. Since then there have been seven more. I realize many of you may not have seen the posts that were written by those who participated, so at the end of each month I publish a summary for the month. I hope you enjoy reading them.

I give thanks to all of you who contributed to some or all of February’s challenges, whether it was by publishing a post, by reading the posts published by others or by thinking about the challenge topics.

“Stay in the Present and Stop Thinking!”

cropped File 14-12-2015, 8 59 18 AM

As I formulated this week’s Challenge for Growth, I remembered an experience I had in 2001. I described it in one of my Getting to Joy books, a series about my years of being with Amma. While I still struggle with over thinking, this memory is etched into my mind. Recalling it whenever I’m into repetitive thinking gives me both pleasure and guidance. Here is that section of the book:

“Stay in the Present and Stop Thinking!”

I had planned to spend some time at Christ in the Desert monastery after attending Amma’s Santa Fe programs. As I started thinking about my upcoming monastery visit, I began to cry. The more I thought about it, the more I cried. Why did I have so much grief? Old questions arose once again. Was I supposed to be moving into an ashram [monastery]? Would I ever move into an ashram? I felt certain that now was not the time for ashram living, but how was I to deal with all of the sadness?

It occurred to me that I could discuss this situation with Amma. By then, it was past noon and she takes only a small number of questions each day, so I assumed that the quota for that day had long since been filled. Nevertheless, I felt drawn to check out my assumption. I was surprised to discover that Amma had not put any limit on the number of questions she would answer that day. Within a half-hour, I was sitting in front of her.

Through the translator, I told Amma how difficult it is for me to live a life that is not in an ashram, yet is not fully engaged in worldly activities either. I said I felt certain that it was not time for me to move into an ashram, and asked for her advice about how to deal with all of the grief I felt about being torn between these choices.

Amma indicated that there might eventually be an ashram in Seattle. For now, she said, I should remember that I am Amma’s child and that she is always with me. She then advised me to stay in the present and stop thinking! What could I do but laugh? Staying in the present and stopping unhelpful thought processes seems to be one of the major challenges of my life. I knew that over-thinking consistently pulls me into a downward spiral and that if I focus on what I have instead of what I do not have, it is much easier to stay in the present. I am also more likely to stay in a place of gratitude instead of moving into suffering. For some time thereafter, I used “Stay in the present and stop thinking” as a mantra whenever negative thought processes began. I found it to be a very effective technique in quieting my mind and shifting my focus.

Posted for Challenges for Growth Prompt #8: Stop (Repetitive) Thinking

And to the World I Say…

I love Sreejit’s poem. I relate to it and imagine many of you will too!

Challenge for Growth Prompt #8- Stop (Repetitive) Thinking

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Stop Thinking

This week’s challenge is:

“Today I stop my repetitive thinking.”

So few of our thoughts are actually new; we recycle most of them again and again as we ruminate about past traumas, feel indignant over ways we were slighted, or obsess about possible future problems. Overthinking keeps us trapped in our heads, rather than living from our hearts. It also leads to depression and anxiety.

We may believe if we think about a problem long enough, we will figure out what to do about it. The reality is that inspiration is much more likely to come when our minds are silent than when we are in a never-ending cycle of analyzing.

This week, for 1, 2, 3 days or longer, commit to stopping your repetitive thoughts. One way to do that is to say “Stop…..Be here now” and then focus solely on the present moment whenever you find yourself in unhelpful thinking processes. Distracting activities such as working in the garden, exercising, reading, writing, walking, etc. may also be helpful. If there is a problem you actually need to think about, set a beginning and ending time for doing that, rather than letting it take over your day.

Sometime during the week, write a post about some aspect of this topic or about experiences you had when you stopped your repetitive thinking. Feel free to use whatever form you desire: i.e., prose, story, poem, photograph, etc. (If you don’t have a blog, please share your thoughts and experiences in the comment section below.)

General Prompt Information:

New prompts will be posted at 5 a.m. (PST) every Wednesday.

This week’s contributors to: Stop (Repetitive) Thinking

“Stay in the Present and Stop Thinking” – Living, Learning and Letting Go

Stop Repetitive Thinking- Home and Loving It

Mind: Shut Up Already!- Traces of the Soul

Challenge for Growth Prompt #8/stop repetitive thinking- Annette’s Place

Tools for Dealing with Repetitive Thinking- Living, Learning and Letting Go

My thinking corner/thoughts for the week- Annette’s Place

Hush…- Nik’s Place

How about you?

Last week’s contributors to: I unplug

Challenges for growth prompts/unplug- Annette’s place

Unplugged- Home and Loving It

I Unplugged!- Living, Learning and Letting Go

OFF- Nik’s Place

I Unplugged!

Of all of the Challenge for Growth prompts I have participated in, I think that “I Unplug” has been the one that I needed the most. I have been aware for some time that it was important for me to make some big changes in regards to the amount of time I spend on the computer.

I have a Facebook page, but primarily have it so I can see my son’s photographs when he travels; I never use it to converse with or find friends or relatives. I don’t participate in Linked-In or Snapshot. I belong to Twitter but I never look at it. I occasionally look at Instagram. I do not play video games, and only shop online when I’m looking for something specific. I don’t surf the web.

Even though I don’t do those things, I still spend a high percentage of my time working on my laptop. I’ve been known to say “I live on my computer.” I read and write emails, write articles and organize a monthly GreenFriends newsletter, work on various projects for my spiritual community, and spend time reading and writing blog posts. I enjoy supporting new bloggers. Watching my blog stats feels like a game, but know I check them entirely too often. Since I’m on the computer so much, I’m continually distracted by email and blog notifications. Like Pavlov’s dog, I feel compelled to find out who just wrote me whenever I hear the notification sound.

When I returned from India in January, I took some steps to decrease my distractibility and my computer use; steps that would give me the time I needed to focus on other things. For example, I occasionally turned off the sound on the computer so that I didn’t hear the notifications. I also created what I am calling a circuit, which are a list of activities I want to do nearly every day; e.g., walk, house cleaning, office work, yard work, etc. At first there were only 5 items on my list, so I went through the activities sequentially, spending 15-20 minutes on each one. I did some of the items more than once a day. The circuit increased my productivity and kept me focused. After two weeks, I added more items to the list, so now I don’t do them in any particular order and am not concerned if I don’t do a few of them. In addition to the circuit, I make a “to do” list that includes items that need to be done during the week.

My next step in this change process is to “unplug” for some time each day!

I decided to turn the computer off at 9 a.m. each day and leave it off until noon. That is a time period that am normally working on it. During my unplugged time I will not answer or make unnecessary phone calls, with the exception of emergency calls and calls from potentiaI clients. Likewise, I will not use the phone for email, text, Instagram or to find something on the internet. I will also not turn on the television or the radio.

Below is a summary of my first four days of using this routine:

Day 1 Report: It’s amazing how much slower time seems to go and how much more I can get done when I’m not being distracted by emails and blog notifications. I am surprised to find that I am actually enjoying having the computer off. I feel better today than I have felt in a long time: more energy, and less body tension than when I sit most of the day. I was concerned that when I turned the computer back on I would be overwhelmed with the number of emails I found in my inbox. There were not nearly as many as I had expected, in part because I hadn’t been generating them. Much to my surprise, I discovered it was easier and faster to read and respond to the emails all at once, rather than answering them individually when they arrived.

Day 2 Report: My unplugged time is 9 a.m. to noon no matter where I am or what I am doing. I was at my Tai Chi class for the first half hour of today’s block; I was back home by 10:00. Around 11:30, I became very antsy. That last half hour seemed to last forever. I was eager to turn on the computer so I could finish my taxes, and I didn’t want to wait. I was far from patient, but I didn’t turn it on until the clock struck noon. During the afternoon, I finished my taxes and other computer work and completed most of the items on my circuit.

Day 3 Report: Not using the computer was easy today because I had an appointment and did errands during most of my unplugged time. I worked on almost everything on my “circuit” list today, plus finished many of my “to do” activities. Looking at the day as a whole, I see that I spent less time than normal on the computer. I was surprised to discover I felt reluctant to even turn it on. I haven’t felt any desire to turn on the television either. Not using the phone during the unplugged time has been easy from the beginning. I’m liking this new way of doing things.

Day 4 Report: I was feeling energetic this morning, so during my unplugged time I took a walk through some wooded areas and streets that make a big circle around my part of town. I’ve been unable to walk the full circle during the past two years because of low energy caused by some medical issues. Some very interesting, and synchronistic, things happened along the way, which I will be writing about in a separate post. During the last half of the journey, I also picked up litter, an activity dear to my heart. While the walk normally takes 45 minutes, when I returned home, I was shocked to discover that I had been gone from 9:45 to 11:30! After lunch, I worked on almost all of the items on my circuit and to do lists and I rarely looked at the blog stats. I’m definitely seeing the value of unplugging. I ultimately may turn off the computer for more than the 3 hours/day I have committed to for now.

I am going to end my daily reports here so that I can post my response to the prompt. But I’m not ending my 9:00 to noon unplugging periods; I am really appreciating that change. A few days ago, Nichole from Nik’s Place told me that she is looking at a situation in her life as an opportunity to reset, refocus and re-balance her life for the better.

That is true for me, too. I am working to “reset, refocus and re-balance my life for the better,” and reducing my time on the computer is an important part of that process.

Written for Challenges for Growth Prompt #7: I Unplug

Challenge for Growth Prompt #7: I Unplug

I unplug

This week’s challenge is:

“Today I unplug.”

Don’t panic. I’m not talking about totally unplugging. But think of how much time during the day you spend engaged with emails, texting, instant messages, Facebook, Instagram, Linked-In, Twitter, Snapshot, surfing the Internet, video gaming, online shopping, talking on the phone, etc. Bloggers, how much additional time do you spend reading or writing blog posts, or looking at your stats? What would you think and feel if you no longer had access to a phone, laptop or other electronic device? Does the thought of not having those things bring you a sense of relief, panic or something else?

For 1, 2, 3 days or longer commit to unplugging for some period of time. Pick a time of day when you normally use those devices and then set an amount of time to unplug that would challenge you, but not set you up for failure.

Sometime during the week, write a post about some aspect of this topic or about experiences you had when you unplugged. Feel free to use whatever form you desire: i.e., prose, story, poem, photograph, etc. (If you don’t have a blog, please share your thoughts and experiences in the comment section below.)

General Prompt Information:

New prompts will be posted at 5 a.m. (PST) every Wednesday.

This week’s contributors to I unplug:

Challenges for growth prompts/unplug- Annette’s place

Unplugged- Home and Loving It

I Unplugged!- Living, Learning and Letting Go

OFF- Nik’s Place

How about you?

Last week’s contributors to I listen attentively:

I Hear You- Nik’s Place

Please Listen to Me- Living, Learning and Letting Go

Challenge for Growth Prompt #6- Home and Loving It

Challenge for growth prompts/#6- Annette’s Place

Please Listen to Me

When I started my psychotherapy practice in 1987, I hung a poster titled “Please Listen to Me” on my group room wall. Even though it is no longer on the wall, I think of the content often. I believe it contains important information for everyone, but might be especially helpful to those of you who are participating in this week’s Challenge for Growth prompt.

Please Listen to Me

When I ask you to listen to me and you start giving advice, you have not done what I asked.

When I ask you to listen to me and you begin to tell me why I shouldn’t feel that way, you are trampling on my feelings.

When I ask you to listen to me and you feel you have to do something to solve my problems, you have failed me, strange as that may seem.

All I ask is that you listen. Not talk or do, just hear me. Advice is cheap: 50 cents will get you both Dorothy Dix and Dr Spock in the same newspaper. And I can do for myself I’m not helpless. Maybe discouraged and faltering, but not helpless.

When you do something for me that I can and need to do for myself you contribute to my fear and weakness. But when you accept as a simple fact that I do feel what I feel, no matter how irrational, then I quit trying to convince you and can get about the business of understanding what’s behind this irrational feeling.

And when that’s clear, the answers are obvious and I don’t need advice. So, please listen and just hear me, and if you want to talk, wait a minute for your turn; and I’ll listen to you.

Author Unknown

Challenge for Growth Prompt #6: I Listen Attentively

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I Listen

This week’s challenge is:

“Today I listen attentively.”

Sometimes when we are listening to another person, we may find our minds wandering to problems at work or home, or to future plans. At other times, rather than paying close attention to the person’s words, we may start thinking about how we are going to respond to them. Or we may reflect on advice we want to give them when they stop talking. If the person is angry, instead of listening to them, we may start planning our defense. These communication patterns often leave people feeling unheard, discounted and/or disrespected.

This week, for one, two, three days or longer, practice giving people your full attention when they are talking to you. Sometime during the week, write a post about some aspect of this topic or about experiences you have when you listen attentively. Feel free to use whatever form you desire: i.e., prose, story, poem, photograph, etc. (If you don’t have a blog, please share your thoughts and experiences in the comment section below.)

I look forward to seeing where this challenge takes you.

The article that you link to this prompt should be a new post written specifically for this challenge.

General Prompt Information:

New prompts will be posted at 5 a.m. (PST) every Wednesday.

This week’s contributors to I listen attentively:

I Hear You- Nik’s Place

Please Listen to Me- Living, Learning and Letting Go

Challenge for Growth Prompt #6- Home and Loving It

Challenge for growth prompts/ #6- Annette’s Place

How about you?

Last week’s contributors to I am Love:

I Am…- Nik’s Place

It Takes a Revolution- The Seeker’s Dungeon

I Am Love- Living, Learning and Letting Go

Love Has No Borders (haibun)- Tournesol dans un Jardin

I AM love (free verse)- Traces of the Soul

Stillness- Dancing to the Words

Challenge for Growth Prompt #5: I Am Love

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I am Love

This week’s challenge is:

“Today I repeat the affirmation ‘I am Love’.”

Occasionally I ask my psychotherapy clients what they would think if they overheard someone talking to a child the way they talk to themselves. They often respond that they would think the child was being abused. I believe when we direct endless criticism towards ourselves, it is as if we are abusing a child, but in this case it is the child within us.

One of the tools I have found helpful in stopping negative self-talk is to flood one’s mind with a single affirmation. I’m not talking about saying the affirmation 10 times in the morning while looking in the mirror. I ask clients to say their affirmations a minimum of 1,000 times a day for 21 days. Actually, I prefer that they say it 10,000 times a day or more, or better yet, anytime their minds aren’t being used for something else!

When we flood our minds with an affirmation over a period of time, it may start flowing automatically during the day, and sometimes during the night as well. Imagine what it would be like to have something positive going through your mind day and night, instead of all of the negative messages.

This week, for one, two, three days or longer, internally repeat the affirmation “I Am Love.” I suggest you say it at least 1,000 times a day. (It takes 15-20 minutes to say it 1,000 times.) It will help you to stay focused if you use a tally counter from an office supply store or an app such as Counter +. If you find yourself engaged in negative thinking during the day, start saying the affirmation again. Be gentle with yourself no matter how many times you repeat it. There is no right or wrong way to do this challenge.

Sometime during the week, write a post about some aspect of this topic or about experiences you have when you flood your mind with the message that you are love. Feel free to use whatever form you desire: i.e., prose, story, poem, photograph, etc. (If you don’t have a blog, please share your experiences and thoughts in the comment section below.)

I look forward to seeing where this challenge takes you.

The article that you link to this prompt should be a new post written specifically for this challenge.