“Stay in the Present and Stop Thinking!”

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As I formulated this week’s Challenge for Growth, I remembered an experience I had in 2001. I described it in one of my Getting to Joy books, a series about my years of being with Amma. While I still struggle with over thinking, this memory is etched into my mind. Recalling it whenever I’m into repetitive thinking gives me both pleasure and guidance. Here is that section of the book:

“Stay in the Present and Stop Thinking!”

I had planned to spend some time at Christ in the Desert monastery after attending Amma’s Santa Fe programs. As I started thinking about my upcoming monastery visit, I began to cry. The more I thought about it, the more I cried. Why did I have so much grief? Old questions arose once again. Was I supposed to be moving into an ashram [monastery]? Would I ever move into an ashram? I felt certain that now was not the time for ashram living, but how was I to deal with all of the sadness?

It occurred to me that I could discuss this situation with Amma. By then, it was past noon and she takes only a small number of questions each day, so I assumed that the quota for that day had long since been filled. Nevertheless, I felt drawn to check out my assumption. I was surprised to discover that Amma had not put any limit on the number of questions she would answer that day. Within a half-hour, I was sitting in front of her.

Through the translator, I told Amma how difficult it is for me to live a life that is not in an ashram, yet is not fully engaged in worldly activities either. I said I felt certain that it was not time for me to move into an ashram, and asked for her advice about how to deal with all of the grief I felt about being torn between these choices.

Amma indicated that there might eventually be an ashram in Seattle. For now, she said, I should remember that I am Amma’s child and that she is always with me. She then advised me to stay in the present and stop thinking! What could I do but laugh? Staying in the present and stopping unhelpful thought processes seems to be one of the major challenges of my life. I knew that over-thinking consistently pulls me into a downward spiral and that if I focus on what I have instead of what I do not have, it is much easier to stay in the present. I am also more likely to stay in a place of gratitude instead of moving into suffering. For some time thereafter, I used “Stay in the present and stop thinking” as a mantra whenever negative thought processes began. I found it to be a very effective technique in quieting my mind and shifting my focus.

Posted for Challenges for Growth Prompt #8: Stop (Repetitive) Thinking

And to the World I Say…

I love Sreejit’s poem. I relate to it and imagine many of you will too!

Challenge for Growth Prompt #8- Stop (Repetitive) Thinking

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Stop Thinking

This week’s challenge is:

“Today I stop my repetitive thinking.”

So few of our thoughts are actually new; we recycle most of them again and again as we ruminate about past traumas, feel indignant over ways we were slighted, or obsess about possible future problems. Overthinking keeps us trapped in our heads, rather than living from our hearts. It also leads to depression and anxiety.

We may believe if we think about a problem long enough, we will figure out what to do about it. The reality is that inspiration is much more likely to come when our minds are silent than when we are in a never-ending cycle of analyzing.

This week, for 1, 2, 3 days or longer, commit to stopping your repetitive thoughts. One way to do that is to say “Stop…..Be here now” and then focus solely on the present moment whenever you find yourself in unhelpful thinking processes. Distracting activities such as working in the garden, exercising, reading, writing, walking, etc. may also be helpful. If there is a problem you actually need to think about, set a beginning and ending time for doing that, rather than letting it take over your day.

Sometime during the week, write a post about some aspect of this topic or about experiences you had when you stopped your repetitive thinking. Feel free to use whatever form you desire: i.e., prose, story, poem, photograph, etc. (If you don’t have a blog, please share your thoughts and experiences in the comment section below.)

General Prompt Information:

New prompts will be posted at 5 a.m. (PST) every Wednesday.

Since it is easier to make behavioral changes if we focus on them one day at a time, each of the weekly challenges will start with “Today, I focus on…….” It will be up to you to decide how long you want to focus on a particular challenge— one, two, three days or even longer. At some point during the week, publish a post that relates in some way to the subject of the week.

Link your post back to this prompt post. If the pingback doesn’t work, then leave the link to your post in the comment section below. Be sure to include “Challenge for Growth Prompts” as one of your tags.

Throughout the week, I will publish the links for the posts that were created as the result of this prompt. I will also post the links from those who participated the previous week. That way they will be seen by anyone who comes to this page.

This week’s contributors to: Stop (Repetitive) Thinking

“Stay in the Present and Stop Thinking” – Living, Learning and Letting Go

Stop Repetitive Thinking- Home and Loving It

Mind: Shut Up Already!- Traces of the Soul

Challenge for Growth Prompt #8/stop repetitive thinking- Annette’s Place

Tools for Dealing with Repetitive Thinking- Living, Learning and Letting Go

My thinking corner/thoughts for the week- Annette’s Place

Hush…- Nik’s Place

How about you?

Last week’s contributors to: I unplug

Challenges for growth prompts/unplug- Annette’s place

Unplugged- Home and Loving It

I Unplugged!- Living, Learning and Letting Go

OFF- Nik’s Place

I Unplugged!

Of all of the Challenge for Growth prompts I have participated in, I think that “I Unplug” has been the one that I needed the most. I have been aware for some time that it was important for me to make some big changes in regards to the amount of time I spend on the computer.

I have a Facebook page, but primarily have it so I can see my son’s photographs when he travels; I never use it to converse with or find friends or relatives. I don’t participate in Linked-In or Snapshot. I belong to Twitter but I never look at it. I occasionally look at Instagram. I do not play video games, and only shop online when I’m looking for something specific. I don’t surf the web.

Even though I don’t do those things, I still spend a high percentage of my time working on my laptop. I’ve been known to say “I live on my computer.” I read and write emails, write articles and organize a monthly GreenFriends newsletter, work on various projects for my spiritual community, and spend time reading and writing blog posts. I enjoy supporting new bloggers. Watching my blog stats feels like a game, but know I check them entirely too often. Since I’m on the computer so much, I’m continually distracted by email and blog notifications. Like Pavlov’s dog, I feel compelled to find out who just wrote me whenever I hear the notification sound.

When I returned from India in January, I took some steps to decrease my distractibility and my computer use; steps that would give me the time I needed to focus on other things. For example, I occasionally turned off the sound on the computer so that I didn’t hear the notifications. I also created what I am calling a circuit, which are a list of activities I want to do nearly every day; e.g., walk, house cleaning, office work, yard work, etc. At first there were only 5 items on my list, so I went through the activities sequentially, spending 15-20 minutes on each one. I did some of the items more than once a day. The circuit increased my productivity and kept me focused. After two weeks, I added more items to the list, so now I don’t do them in any particular order and am not concerned if I don’t do a few of them. In addition to the circuit, I make a “to do” list that includes items that need to be done during the week.

My next step in this change process is to “unplug” for some time each day!

I decided to turn the computer off at 9 a.m. each day and leave it off until noon. That is a time period that am normally working on it. During my unplugged time I will not answer or make unnecessary phone calls, with the exception of emergency calls and calls from potentiaI clients. Likewise, I will not use the phone for email, text, Instagram or to find something on the internet. I will also not turn on the television or the radio.

Below is a summary of my first four days of using this routine:

Day 1 Report: It’s amazing how much slower time seems to go and how much more I can get done when I’m not being distracted by emails and blog notifications. I am surprised to find that I am actually enjoying having the computer off. I feel better today than I have felt in a long time: more energy, and less body tension than when I sit most of the day. I was concerned that when I turned the computer back on I would be overwhelmed with the number of emails I found in my inbox. There were not nearly as many as I had expected, in part because I hadn’t been generating them. Much to my surprise, I discovered it was easier and faster to read and respond to the emails all at once, rather than answering them individually when they arrived.

Day 2 Report: My unplugged time is 9 a.m. to noon no matter where I am or what I am doing. I was at my Tai Chi class for the first half hour of today’s block; I was back home by 10:00. Around 11:30, I became very antsy. That last half hour seemed to last forever. I was eager to turn on the computer so I could finish my taxes, and I didn’t want to wait. I was far from patient, but I didn’t turn it on until the clock struck noon. During the afternoon, I finished my taxes and other computer work and completed most of the items on my circuit.

Day 3 Report: Not using the computer was easy today because I had an appointment and did errands during most of my unplugged time. I worked on almost everything on my “circuit” list today, plus finished many of my “to do” activities. Looking at the day as a whole, I see that I spent less time than normal on the computer. I was surprised to discover I felt reluctant to even turn it on. I haven’t felt any desire to turn on the television either. Not using the phone during the unplugged time has been easy from the beginning. I’m liking this new way of doing things.

Day 4 Report: I was feeling energetic this morning, so during my unplugged time I took a walk through some wooded areas and streets that make a big circle around my part of town. I’ve been unable to walk the full circle during the past two years because of low energy caused by some medical issues. Some very interesting, and synchronistic, things happened along the way, which I will be writing about in a separate post. During the last half of the journey, I also picked up litter, an activity dear to my heart. While the walk normally takes 45 minutes, when I returned home, I was shocked to discover that I had been gone from 9:45 to 11:30! After lunch, I worked on almost all of the items on my circuit and to do lists and I rarely looked at the blog stats. I’m definitely seeing the value of unplugging. I ultimately may turn off the computer for more than the 3 hours/day I have committed to for now.

I am going to end my daily reports here so that I can post my response to the prompt. But I’m not ending my 9:00 to noon unplugging periods; I am really appreciating that change. A few days ago, Nichole from Nik’s Place told me that she is looking at a situation in her life as an opportunity to reset, refocus and re-balance her life for the better.

That is true for me, too. I am working to “reset, refocus and re-balance my life for the better,” and reducing my time on the computer is an important part of that process.

Written for Challenges for Growth Prompt #7: I Unplug

Please Listen to Me

When I started my psychotherapy practice in 1987, I hung a poster titled “Please Listen to Me” on my group room wall. Even though it is no longer on the wall, I think of the content often. I believe it contains important information for everyone, but might be especially helpful to those of you who are participating in this week’s Challenge for Growth prompt.

Please Listen to Me

When I ask you to listen to me and you start giving advice, you have not done what I asked.

When I ask you to listen to me and you begin to tell me why I shouldn’t feel that way, you are trampling on my feelings.

When I ask you to listen to me and you feel you have to do something to solve my problems, you have failed me, strange as that may seem.

All I ask is that you listen. Not talk or do, just hear me. Advice is cheap: 50 cents will get you both Dorothy Dix and Dr Spock in the same newspaper. And I can do for myself I’m not helpless. Maybe discouraged and faltering, but not helpless.

When you do something for me that I can and need to do for myself you contribute to my fear and weakness. But when you accept as a simple fact that I do feel what I feel, no matter how irrational, then I quit trying to convince you and can get about the business of understanding what’s behind this irrational feeling.

And when that’s clear, the answers are obvious and I don’t need advice. So, please listen and just hear me, and if you want to talk, wait a minute for your turn; and I’ll listen to you.

Author Unknown

I am Love

Love.

When I know

I am Love,

my heart opens to myself,

and to others.

I do not always act like

I am Love.

I do not always feel like

I am Love.

But I know deep inside of me

I am Love.

Love is not about doing what

everyone else wants me to do.

Sometimes Love is about

setting limits.

Sometimes Love is about

saying NO.

Love has many forms.

I am Love,

you are Love,

we are

Love.

Written for Challenge for Growth Prompt #5: I am Love

Photo Credit: Wikimedia Commons

Challenge for Growth Prompt #5: I Am Love

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I am Love

This week’s challenge is:

“Today I repeat the affirmation ‘I am Love’.”

Occasionally I ask my psychotherapy clients what they would think if they overheard someone talking to a child the way they talk to themselves. They often respond that they would think the child was being abused. I believe when we direct endless criticism towards ourselves, it is as if we are abusing a child, but in this case it is the child within us.

One of the tools I have found helpful in stopping negative self-talk is to flood one’s mind with a single affirmation. I’m not talking about saying the affirmation 10 times in the morning while looking in the mirror. I ask clients to say their affirmations a minimum of 1,000 times a day for 21 days. Actually, I prefer that they say it 10,000 times a day or more, or better yet, anytime their minds aren’t being used for something else!

When we flood our minds with an affirmation over a period of time, it may start flowing automatically during the day, and sometimes during the night as well. Imagine what it would be like to have something positive going through your mind day and night, instead of all of the negative messages.

This week, for one, two, three days or longer, internally repeat the affirmation “I Am Love.” I suggest you say it at least 1,000 times a day. (It takes 15-20 minutes to say it 1,000 times.) It will help you to stay focused if you use a tally counter from an office supply store or an app such as Counter +. If you find yourself engaged in negative thinking during the day, start saying the affirmation again. Be gentle with yourself no matter how many times you repeat it. There is no right or wrong way to do this challenge.

Sometime during the week, write a post about some aspect of this topic or about experiences you have when you flood your mind with the message that you are love. Feel free to use whatever form you desire: i.e., prose, story, poem, photograph, etc. (If you don’t have a blog, please share your experiences and thoughts in the comment section below.)

I look forward to seeing where this challenge takes you.

The article that you link to this prompt should be a new post written specifically for this challenge.

General Prompt Information:

New prompts will be posted at 5 a.m. (PST) every Wednesday.

This week’s contributors to I am Love:

I Am…- Nik’s Place

It Takes a Revolution- The Seeker’s Dungeon

I Am Love- Living, Learning and Letting Go

Love Has No Borders (haibun)- Tournesol dans un Jardin

I AM love (free verse)- Traces of the Soul

How about you?

Last week’s contributors to Think Before Saying Yes or No

The Making of Yes- Nik’s Place

And to the World I Say- Where Love Meets War

Why Do We Behave the Way We Do?- Living, Learning and Letting Go

Challenges for Growth Prompts #4- Annette’s Place

Why Do We Behave the Way We Do?

In the mid 80’s, I met Pam Levin, a therapist who was to become one of my mentors. One of the tools I learned from her is called the Think Structure. I have used it in my personal life and with the clients in my therapy practice. I have found it to be a helpful way for myself and others to gain insight into why we behave the way we do. Continue reading “Why Do We Behave the Way We Do?” →

Challenge for Growth Prompt #4: Think Before Saying Yes or No

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Think Before Saying Yes or No

This week’s challenge is:

**“Today I take time to think before I say Yes or No.”**

While some people have trouble saying Yes and others say No to every request, I believe it is much more common for people to struggle with saying No. This struggle often stems from childhood experiences. It may not have been okay, or even safe, to say No in our families of origin. Many of us were taught/programmed to please others by doing what others wanted them to do. As an adult, we may say Yes to things we don’t want to do; say Yes but then not follow through on our commitments; or say Yes reflexively without taking any time to think about the request.

I once heard a joke that addresses this issue. “What happens when a codependent dies?” Answer: Someone else’s life flashes before his eyes.” While it is a funny joke, it is also a sad situation and it may be true. You cannot live your own life and do everything everyone else wants you to do.

The first step in looking at this issue may be to observe any struggles you have in saying either Yes or No. At the same time, start pausing to think before you reply to a request. You may need 15 seconds or you may need 48 hours or more to get clear. It is perfectly appropriate to respond, “I will think about it and get back to you.”

This week, for one, two, three days or longer, focus on thinking before you say Yes or No. Sometime during the week, write a post about some aspect of this topic or about your experiences when you think before you answer a Yes or No question. Feel free to use whatever form you desire: i.e., prose, story, poem, photograph, etc.

I look forward to seeing where this challenge takes you.

The article that you link to this prompt should be a new post written specifically for this challenge.

General Prompt Information:

New prompts will be posted at 5 a.m. (PST) every Wednesday.

If you don’t have a blog, please feel free to submit your contribution to the prompt in the comment section below.

This week’s contributors to Think Before Saying Yes or No:

The Making of Yes- Nik’s Place

And to the World I Say- Where Love Meets War

Why Do We Behave the Way We Do?- Living, Learning and Letting Go

Challenges for Growth Prompts #4- Annette’s Place

How about you?

Last week’s contributors to Learning to Be:

What Does It Mean to Be? – Living, Learning and Letting Go

Painting Our Illusions- Where Love Meets War

Failure to Be- Nik’s Place

Being Her True Self- Traces of the Soul

Learning to Be- Journey of a Warrior Womyn

Challenge for Growth Prompt #2: Looking for the Good in Others

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Looking for the good

This week’s challenge is:

“Today I look for the good qualities in others.”

When we are in a bad mood, we may find ourselves focusing on someone else’s faults. When we focus on the negative, we are likely to see negativity all around us. From time to time, Amma reminds us that even a broken clock is right twice a day.

People often get triggered into negative thinking when they are with someone who reminds them of a person that hurt them in the past. In the psychotherapy model I use, we refer to that as “putting someone else’s face” on the present day person. That process is also referred to as projection.

Clients in therapy frequently project their parents’ faces on their therapists. I remember a time in the mid 90’s when a client was always angry with the male co-therapist in one of my therapy groups. He knew that the therapist reminded him of his father, but he was having a hard time “getting his dad’s face” off of the therapist.

This therapist had some unusual characteristics so I said to the client, “Did your dad ever wear an earring?” and “Did your dad sometimes wear red toenail polish?” The client started laughing. His father would NEVER have considered doing either of those things. Seeing the differences really helped him separate the therapist from his father.

This week, for one, two, three days or longer, focus on looking for the good in others. If you have trouble finding anything positive about a person, consider whose face you might have on them. If you decide it is a parent, or a boss, or someone else from your past, identify ways the current day person is different from the one in your past. Then “de-role” the present day person by saying to yourself, “You are not (insert the name or role of person from the past), you are (insert the name or role of the person in the present).” After you de-role the current day person, you may be better able to identify some of their good qualities.

Also consider making lists of the positive qualities of anyone you have negative thoughts about, whether they be from your past or present.

Sometime during the week, write a post about some aspect of this topic or about your experience when focusing on seeing the good in others. Feel free to use whatever form you desire: i.e., prose, story, poem, photograph, etc.

I look forward to seeing where this challenge takes you.

The article that you link to this prompt should be a new post written specifically for this challenge.

General Prompt Information:

Link your post back to this prompt post. If the pingback doesn’t work, then leave the link to your post in the comment section of this post. Be sure to include “Challenge for Growth Prompts” as one of your tags.

If you don’t have a blog, please feel free to submit your contribution to the prompt in the comment section below.

This week’s contributors to Looking for the Good challenge:

On Humans and Humanity- The Seeker’s Dungeon

Today I look for the good qualities in others- Journey of a Warrior Womyn

There is No “Other”- Living, Learning and Letting Go

Khuśiyōm Kī Bahār- Living, Learning and Letting Go

Through the Shadows- Nik’s Place

finding the light side (free verse)- Traces of the Soul

Challenge for Growth Prompt #2- Annette’s Place

Last week’s contributors to Needs vs Wants challenge:

The Bliss We Seek- The Seeker’s Dungeon

2016 Needs- Self Therapy

Needs vs Wants (Haibun)- Traces of the Soul

Resolve- Dream Cloud Diaries

Compassion’s Desires (Haibun)- Tournesol dans un Jardin

Are My Trips to Amritapuri Fulfilling a Need or a Want?- Living, Learning and Letting Go

The Needing Want- Nik’s Place

Needs vs Wants- Journey of a Warrior Womyn

My thanks goes to each of the bloggers listed above and to those of you who wrote your response to the challenge in the comments section of the challenge post.