Oliana from Traces of the Soul has started offering a weekly writing prompt. This week’s prompt Silent witnesses – Bystanders asked:
“What are your thoughts about bystanders who get involved, those who watch and for various reasons do not help, speak out or get help? Write a poem, a story (fiction or true) about a situation related to a bystander or witness of some form of offensive behaviour.”
When I read Oliana’s prompt last night, my mind went immediately to December of last year. My children and I were in India when we received a phone call from my ex-husband, Al, saying that he had been mugged and beaten at 5:30 in the afternoon as he was going into his apartment building in the International District. Al is 73 years old, has M.S. and a serious heart condition. He is very unstable on his feet, but he decided he wasn’t going to take it and fought back. As a result, all he lost was his phone.
He was very happy that he had stood up for himself. He also felt very grateful. He has one eye that has been pretty much destroyed by the M.S. If the mugger had beaten that eye, Al would now be blind; but since he had beaten his bad eye, Al still has vision. I could understand Al’s gratitude but was mainly amazed at his ability to keeping a positive attitude.
There was one thing about this situation, other than the fact that it happened, that still haunts me. As I understand it, when he was being beaten there were people standing around taking pictures on cell phones. I assume some probably called the police, but no one helped.
This incident happened just as I was finishing reading a book called The Prison Angel. One of the stories Mary Jordan and Kevin Sullivan tell is about a time when Mother Antonia barged into the middle of a prison riot. She assertively told the fighting guards and prisoners to stop… and they did. What a contrast to what happened for Al. I believe that Amma, my spiritual teacher, would also have stepped right in.
What would I have done if I had been there? Would I have been able to find my voice? Would I have become frozen in fear? I know I wouldn’t have been taking pictures on my cell phone, and unless I completely froze I would have called the police, but I wonder if I would have had the courage to step in, scream, or anything of that nature. I don’t like acknowledging that there is even a possibility that I might not have stepped forward in a strong way.
Reflecting on that incident, I thought of two events that have happened in my life since then. They don’t have any importance when compared to Al being attacked, but they are still worthy of reflection.
In August, Seattle went crazy with Seahawk fever. For the first time ever, I became very involved in football, rooting enthusiastically for my team. A few days after the Seahawks won the Super Bowl, there was a victory parade. Seven hundred thousand people streamed into the city to participate, and I was one of them!
I found a place on the parade route that was very close to the front. There were only four or five rows of people ahead of me. I was excited that I would be able to see so well. Wrong. As the parade came around the bend, pretty much everyone in the four to five rows raised their arms to take cell phone pictures. They formed a complete barricade and I couldn’t see through it. I was very irritated and judgmental. These people had no consciousness of the effect of their behavior on others, or they didn’t care in the slightest. I did nothing. As I reflect on it now, should I have said something? What in the world could I have done in that setting that would have made the slightest bit of difference. Probably nothing, but I didn’t even try.
The second incident happened a few months ago. Some friends and I went to see BB King in concert. Three rows ahead of us, a woman wrote and read texts and email throughout the whole concert. Her screen was so bright. It was extremely distracting and uncomfortable in the dark theater. In addition, every so often she would stand up and take a picture, with a flash. That was also upsetting. Once again, I was judgmental about the person’s lack of consciousness and/or complete disregard for how her behavior affected others, but I stayed silent and so did everyone else. All of us were bystanders. What would have been appropriate to do in that situation? It was the middle of a concert. Not a time to create a scene. But no one, including me, did anything during the intermission either.
Oliana’s prompt has given me opportunity to look deep inside. I’m not comfortable with what I see. I will mull on this one for some time I think.
Living, Learning and Letting Go 
I´ve been mugged 4 times, out of those 4 times only 1 they actually took my things. When it gets to physical altercations I try to avoid them but when there is no avoiding I really don´t mind going full throttle and fighting with all I got. Do to life experiences I can handle myself when it get´s to physical fighting.
Now Al, 73? That´s what I call having guts, specially with his physical condition. Thankfully he still has vision. The bruises will heal but having your manlyhood broken is I think much more mentally shocking. In my mind I can´t let somebody rob me or intimidate me. Even with a gun, I forgot about this one, which happened in the U.S. It wasn´t luck though it was pure training.
If I see some old person or not old, just a victim, of a robbery myself will stand up, but I´m a bit nutty, so I understand that most people won´t get involved. Mostly happens because they get paralised because of fear, taking pictures with the phone? I would arrest those people also. You don´t have to get physically involved but you can start screaming to the robbers saying the police is coming while your dialing 911 at the least, the least you can do. Those who look by and don´t even do that, to me are cowards.
So I´m happy for your husband that he´s fine first of all, bruises will heal, and that he fought back. I respect that.
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I respect him for that also. I also have a lot less concern about the strength of his heart!
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Glad to hear that
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What a great post, Karuna!! That is terrible with happened to Al. Oh my and people take photos, it just boggles my mind. Surely a few could have shouted…they were in numbers for pete sakes and like Carlos says, shouting that the cops are coming is usually a turn off for thugs…You do bring up other points like that concert…I think I might have sighed very loudly. I am surprised that the people who place you in you seat were not telling her to shut her phone off. But it is not easy when you fear confrontation…I hear you there.
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I would hope I would scream loudly too. My doubts come from knowing how many shootings there are nowadays and the fear I carry about that. But I think it is highly unlikely I would do nothing. In situations concerning my family, I think, and hope, that the Mother Bear in me would take over. I also hope I would find myself to be proactive in other situations as well.
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I have no doubt the Mother Bear would scare a few folks. I found my Tigress has taken hold of me times kids or my grandchild needed help. My daughter does it better..she is pretty fiesty! And then there are issues that may be annoying but put no one in danger and wisdom (not only fear) sets priorities…and we try to just let it go.
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I agree with all you say here! 🙂
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I am not particularly good at defending myself physically, but I am compelled to step in when someone else is threatened. This has resulted in some pretty hairy situations, but I could not simply stand and watch, much less take pictures! And if someone is doing something selfish, with no concern for others, I tell them. My kids see it coming, and scatter!!
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I’m laughing about your comment about your kids scattering. I can see it!
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That is dreadful about Al, I am sooo glad his sight is ok, gosh, humankind can be so horrendous at times and to think people were videoing it, I am sure there must have been someone in the mid afternoon who could have helped.
Re your situations, I would have said something and have done in the past. My husband never says anything and puts up with, however if he is in a car driving he has horrible road rage, he shouts, he swears and i always say to him, you are fine to speak up when you have four walls or a car around you adn to bully others but you wouldn’t go and say it to their face. We got burgled once and I knew it was the lodger at our neighbours, they were dodgy, all of them, the woman who lived in the house had a reputation with the police but I was so insensed that a) we had been burlged and b) it was the neighbour who had done it, so I went and knocked on the door, he told me not to, I refused and I had it out with her, I just think you can’t sit by and let these things happen. If it comes down to bad manners I say something too. In a dangerous situation, i would like to think I would be able to do something to help someone, if they had a knife, I am not sure I would physically go in, I might throw something, call someone, I don’t know, its a terrible dilema x
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I hope neither of us are ever in a situation to find out what we would do.
I know what you mean about the road rage. I see a lot of clients that have that way of dealing with their anger. When anger is stuffed for a lifetime it often comes out as a volcano at other times.
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yes true i find it frustrating though as it is really unpleasant fo rme and the kids and a bad example to them 😦
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And dangerous as well.
If you or he ever has interest I can send you a list of types of anger work that I use in my practice. Or could put it here since it isn’t particularly long.
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Oh I sent him to the doctors to get on an anger management programme, he reluctantly went, then a clinic sent him something to fill in, he then rang them and they said he should go elsewhere. He is really non pro active in anything like this though admits he has issues so anything you have would be of great help 🙂
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Okay…. I will send it!
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thank you karuna you are a star! huggles
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I would like to think you could kindly ask someone to discontinue an unacceptable behavior, but, sadly there is so much anger and frustration in the minds of many — a simple request can lead to a violent act of violence. Thinking about the Florida texting and throwing popcorn incident which led one person to fire a gun and kill for these inappropriate behaviors.
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One person that was at the concert that night actually referred to the incident you just mentioned. She said she now had some insight into what he had been feeling. Nothing, of course, warrants that kind of violence, but having no consideration about the effect of ones behavior on others does trigger anger. Thankfully most of us can control our anger, irritation, frustration and even rage.
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