May My Hands Be In Service

I met Amma, a spiritual leader from Southwest India, in 1989 when she was leading programs in Seattle, Washington.  A friend had invited me to go with her.  I had no interest in attending, but when I was asked “Yes” came out of my mouth.  As the music started that night, I burst into tears.  Even though I had no previous experience with Indian music or Eastern spirituality, I had a strong sense of being “Home.”  I cried for hours.  Later in the night, I received my first hug from Amma, who is known as the Hugging Saint.  Her hug felt good, but I was much more interested in the music!

I was intrigued enough by my experience to go to the programs the next day and to the last day of a retreat she was leading on Orcas Island.  Afterwards, I was invited to be part of a group who was seeing Amma off at the Orcas Island airport.  As  she prepared to board the plane, I started crying as if my heart was going to break. I found my behavior extremely bizarre since I barely knew her and I saw no reason for my intense emotion.  Six weeks later, I was at Amma’s programs in New Hampshire and six months after that I was with her in India.

Over the next few years, I continued to experience huge separation grief whenever I was leaving Amma, even if I was going to be seeing her again days later.  My grief was particularly intense whenever I left Amma’s Indian ashram.  At times, I wondered if I was going crazy.  As I struggled to find some explanation, I remembered that Amma had said that those of us who are attracted to her have been with her in previous lives.

I knew Amma generally didn’t answer questions about past-life experiences, but I decided to present her with my theory at the next opportunity. When that time came, I told her I believed I had lived with her in an ashram before and that I grieved to return to that familiar “home.” I added that I thought my “job” in this lifetime was to be in service in the world and to learn to feel connected to her when I was not with her. It seemed to me that it was fine for me to come to the ashram every year, but that I should not live there.

When my comments were translated, Amma responded, “I recognize you.” I looked at the swami (monk) who was translating, puzzled. “She is telling you, you are right,” he said. My eyes filled with tears. She had said she knew me! I experienced the joy of being known and the relief of having my reasoning validated. I was not crazy. There was a logical, albeit unusual, explanation for my overwhelming grief.

My life had been focused on service before I met Amma, and it has continued to be.  I have visited Amma’s Indian ashram almost every year since 1989.  I feel connected to Amma when I am with her and when I am not.  I also feel connected to the ashram when I am there and when I am not.  I am so grateful for all I have learned and experienced in this lifetime.

a life of service

dedicated to

Amma

my family

my friends and clients

becoming a better person

leaving the world a better place

hard work? …… maybe

what could be more fulfilling

Amma’s 2015 North American Summer Tour schedule can be found at http://amma.org/news/ammas-north-american-summer-tour-2015

This post was written for Dungeon Prompts:  Hard Work:  What Does it Mean to You?