I’ve been eagerly awaiting the day when “White” would be the “Color Your World” assignment because I love the photos of white flowers I have taken in Seattle and India. Today’s the day!
Posted for: Color Your World: White
I intentionally carry a small purse (7 ½ x 5 ½ x 2 ½ inches) and I keep very few things in it. I believe that having a small purse increases the likelihood that I will be able to find items when I look for them.
Despite that precaution, I find myself constantly searching for things. I often say that if I could get back all of the time I have spent looking for my keys, it would add years to my life.
Sometimes I lose items due to not paying attention to where I put them. At other times though, the circumstances are more bizarre.
A few weeks ago, I bought a clock at my local Rite Aid store. I was aware at the time that it might not work out, so I took care to keep the receipt. The next day, I decided to return the clock. I looked through my purse, the place where I was sure I had put it, and it wasn’t there.
I mentally retraced every move I made after having left Rite Aid. I remembered that I had carried the unbagged clock to the QFC next door. Had I kept the receipt in my hand instead of putting it in my purse? Had I put the clock and the receipt in the grocery cart and accidentally left the receipt in the cart? That didn’t seem right, but at least it was a reasonable explanation.
For two days, I searched everywhere for the receipt. I looked through my purse over and over again. I finally accepted the fact that I wasn’t going to find it. A day or two after that, I looked across the table and saw this:
It was the receipt for the clock! There was NO way that receipt had been hanging out of my purse all that time. And I live alone so it was not reasonable to think that someone else had placed it there.
Hinduism has a word called leela. It means God’s play. The whole thing sure felt like a leela to me. God’s play would have a purpose though. So if this was a leela what was the purpose? Well it had given me the opportunity to practice being calm in all circumstances; trust the process of life; remember the importance of being mindful; be persistent in going after what I want, yet know when it is time to let go; and remember that everything happens for a reason.
Decades ago, I had many experiences of losing things and then finding them days, weeks, or months later… in plain sight. So often the items were in places I had looked many times. I began to wonder if there was something physically wrong with me. Did I have a dissociative disorder (i.e. in those days the extreme version was called Multiple Personality Disorder)? Did I have Alzheimers? Did I have some other medical problem? None of those explanations seemed right but I went to a psychologist anyway. He reassured me that there was nothing wrong with me and said he believed that my unconscious mind had found a way to get my attention FAST. There was no doubt about that; I hated having my memory challenged.
This morning, as I was contemplating writing this post, it happened again. I have a brick wall in my garden that I build two years ago out of loose bricks. My garden has gophers and their tunnels cause the wall to slump. Therefore, I need to rebuild parts of it each spring.
I decided I would start that rebuilding process this morning. I’ve been having back problems the last few months so I knew I would have to do it slowly, a small section at a time. I finished what I considered to be a reasonable amount of the work…. and then decided I would do just a little more. I reached for my trowel and the level, and they were nowhere to be found!
I hadn’t moved from where I was working. I searched for the tools for a while and then gave up. Clearly I shouldn’t be doing any more; I had done all my back could tolerate. I also decided there was no point in continuing to look for the tools. I went back into the house to rest my back.
When I took the garbage outside, two hours later, I found the trowel and level in another part of the garden. When I saw them, I remembered that earlier I had seen some bricks that were not straight in that part of the garden and had walked over there to straighten them. I had set the tools down at that time.
I imagine there are rational explanations for everything I lose, although I often don’t have a clue what it is. I do believe things happens for a reason and those reasons are for the good. I appreciate any process that gives me opportunity to learn and/or protects me from me.
Written for The Daily Post Prompt: Misplaced
Most of us know which foods and beverages are healthy for us to eat and drink. However, when fast food restaurants, sodas, desserts and junk snacks call out to us, we succumb, much like an alcoholic giving in to the call of alcohol.
As alcoholics in recovery know, unhealthy habits are changed one day at a time. This week, for 1, 2, 3 days or longer, eat and drink only food and beverages that honor your body. Treat your body as if it is a temple, a temple worthy of great respect.
Sometime during the week, write a post about some aspect of this topic or about experiences you had when you focused on eating food that honors your body. Feel free to use whatever form you desire: i.e., prose, story, poem, photograph, etc. (If you don’t have a blog, please share your thoughts and experiences in the comment section below.)
(Note: This will be the last Challenge for Growth prompt.)
Since it is easier to make behavioral changes if we focus on them one day at a time, each of the weekly challenges will start with “Today, I focus on…….” It will be up to you to decide how long you want to focus on a particular challenge— one, two, three days or even longer. At some point during the week, publish a post that relates in some way to the subject of the week.
Link your post back to this prompt post. If the pingback doesn’t work, then leave the link to your post in the comment section below. Be sure to include “Challenge for Growth Prompts” as one of your tags.
Throughout the week, I will publish the links for the posts that were created as the result of this prompt. I will also post the links from those who participated the previous week. That way they will be seen by anyone who comes to this page.
Challenge for growth prompt/honor my body- Annette’s Place
Physical Education in the 1960’s- Living, Learning and Letting Go
E is for Eating- Traces of the Soul
A Little Bit of Clarity- Where Love Meets War
Dealing with My Resistance- The Seeker’s Dungeon
Challenge for growth prompt/resistance- Annette’s Place
Overcoming Resistance
This week’s challenge is:
A co-therapist I used to work with often told clients that it may take 75% of the time one is in therapy to do 25% of the work that needs to be done. The remaining work is likely to be completed much faster. I also remember hearing Amma, my spiritual teacher, say that we ask her to clean us up, but then we won’t hold still for the bath. The common factor in these two circumstances is resistance.
Resistance isn’t all bad. It would be unhealthy to walk into a new situation and turn ourselves over to the whim of other people. Blind faith can be dangerous. It also takes time to determine a correct course of action. However, when we know that there are changes we need to make, holding on to resistance often results in us holding on to, or creating, pain for ourselves. It may also stifle our growth.
This week, for 1, 2, 3 days or longer do something you’ve been resisting doing.
Sometime during the week, write a post about some aspect of this topic or about experiences you had when you focused on overcoming something you’ve been resisting. Feel free to use whatever form you desire: i.e., prose, story, poem, photograph, etc. (If you don’t have a blog, please share your thoughts and experiences in the comment section below.)
General Prompt Information:
New prompts will be posted at 5 a.m. (PST) every Wednesday.
Since it is easier to make behavioral changes if we focus on them one day at a time, each of the weekly challenges will start with “Today, I focus on…….” It will be up to you to decide how long you want to focus on a particular challenge— one, two, three days or even longer. At some point during the week, publish a post that relates in some way to the subject of the week.
Link your post back to this prompt post. If the pingback doesn’t work, then leave the link to your post in the comment section below. Be sure to include “Challenge for Growth Prompts” as one of your tags.
Throughout the week, I will publish the links for the posts that were created as the result of this prompt. I will also post the links from those who participated the previous week. That way they will be seen by anyone who comes to this page.
This week’s contributors to: Overcoming Resistance
A Little Bit of Clarity- Where Love Meets War
Dealing with My Resistance- The Seeker’s Dungeon
Challenge for growth prompt/resistance- Annette’s Place
Laughing with God- Living, Learning and Letting Go
How about you?
Last week’s contributors to: Preventing Food Waste
Challenge for growth/food waste- Annette’s Place
Food Waste: More Information to Ponder- Living, Learning and Letting Go
The Challenge for Growth Prompt that started on February 2 was to say something to a child that you wish someone had said to you when you were young. I practice a developmental form of psychotherapy that derives from Transactional Analysis. It uses a model that says that inside of us we have a parent part, an adult part and a child part. There are subdivisions of these parts as well.
As clients heal from their childhood traumas and learn to parent their inner children in healthy ways, I have plenty of opportunity to talk to their child parts. As a result, I say many things that I wish had been said to me.
There are six stages of development and each one has its own developmental tasks. For example the first stage is called the Being stage. It lasts from 0 to 6 months of life. Two of the tasks children are supposed to learn during the Being stage are that they are loved and wanted and that their needs are important. If those tasks aren’t learned, it may leave a developmental gap that could last throughout life.
Pamela Levin and Jean I. Clarke both created sets of developmentally based affirmations. Pamela’s series offers five affirmations for each stage and Jean’s has seven or eight. Jean includes a “Love” affirmation for each stage. If you look below, you will see the developmental tasks, the age ranges, and the Love affirmations. A child needs to begin hearing the affirmation when the developmental stage starts and continue hearing it forever. For example, we need to hear that we are loved and cared for from the beginning of our lives until the end.
Being (0-6 months)
I love and care for you willingly.
Doing (6-18 months)
I love you when you are active and when you are quiet.
Thinking (18 months to 3 years)
You can become separate from me and I will continue to love you.
Identity and Power (3 -6 years)
I love who you are.
Structure (6-12 years)
I love you even when we differ; I love growing with you.
Identity, Sexuality and Separation (13- 18 years)
My love is always with you. I trust you to ask for my support.
Interdependence (Adult)
You are lovable at every age.
Consider saying the age appropriate Love affirmations to children that you know… and to the “children” that live within you!
***
To learn more about the stages of development, the developmental affirmations, and how to fill in developmental gaps read:
Cycles of Power by Pamela Levin
Growing Up Again by Jean Illsley Clarke and Connie Dawson
One of the main ways we make ourselves miserable is by repetitive thinking. Very few of our thoughts are new; we recycle them again and again. We ruminate about past traumas, feel indignant over ways we were slighted, or obsess about possible future problems. Repetitive thinking can lead to depression and anxiety.
Below I am going to list many tools you can use when you find yourself trapped in this cycle. They are not listed in any particular order. If one doesn’t work for you at a given time, try another.
1) Say “Be here now” to yourself and shift your focus to the present. Do that every time you find yourself thinking about the past, worrying about the future, or into repetitive thinking of other kinds. You may need to say the phrase hundreds of times a day when you start, but if you continue saying it and bringing your attention to the present, the repetitive thoughts will stop. Remember that you are working to break an old habit and build a new one, and that takes time.
2) When you find yourself into repetitive thinking, bring single-minded focus to every moment. For instance, say to yourself “I am picking up my fork,” “I am holding my fork,” “I am picking up food with my fork,” “I am bringing my fork to my mouth,” “I am putting my food into my mouth,” I am chewing my food,” “I am swallowing my food,” etc.
3) Pick an affirmation and say it at least 1,000 a day, or more, for 21 days. Say your mantra internally, going as fast as you like. If unhelpful thoughts start coming at the same time, speed up the affirmation You can use any kind of affirmation. Some examples are “Be here now,” “I’m competent and capable,” “I let go,” “My needs are important,” “I am enough,” “I am smart,” “My life is unfolding as it should,”etc. Pick one affirmation and stick to the same one for the entire 21 days. It doesn’t matter if you believe what you are saying. What matters is that you want to believe it. If you say the affirmation in the 10,000 a day range, it may start flowing through your mind automatically, during the day and possibly throughout the night as well.
4) Make a 3 second contract with yourself. Since repetitive thinking is a habit, you will probably find yourself in the midst of it without being aware it had started. You don’t break the contract when you find that you have been obsessing or over thinking for some time. You break the contract when you realize you are doing it and don’t start working to disrupt the thinking within 3 seconds.
5) Distract yourself. Go for a walk, exercise, read, talk to a friend, etc.
6) Write lists of what you are feeling mad, sad and/or scared about. Don’t spend time thinking about it; just write whatever comes to your mind in the moment, even if you end up writing the same thing over and over.
I am mad that _______
I am mad that _______
I am mad that _______
I am scared that _______
I am sad that _______
I am mad that ______
I am scared that ______
I am scared that ______
etc.
7) If you are angry with someone and obsessing about that, do some anger work. Journal about your anger, write a poison pen letter telling the person off (and then destroy it), twist a towel and imagine yourself yelling at them, scream into a pillow. Stop when you feel a shift in your energy. These techniques are for the purpose of releasing the angry energy in a way that doesn’t hurt yourself, others or the environment.
8) Write a list of your scares in one column and in a second column write the truth about each situation. For example:
If he leaves me I will die If he leaves me I will feel very sad but I will not die.
I have done nothing with my life I have done many things with my life (and list them).
9) Write a list of all the things in your life that you are grateful for.
10) Each time you have a negative thought about someone else, write or say three positive things about them.
11) Each time you have a negative thought about yourself, write or say three positive things about yourself.
12) Most often fear needs information. If you are feeling afraid, ask yourself what information you need and then go get it.
13) If you find yourself obsessing about a negative event from your past, write a list of the things you learned because that happened to you. Also, identify the skills you have today because that event occurred.
14) A friend recently told me about a process she finds very helpful:
The moment you get a repetitive thought, write down what scares you about that thought; i.e., what is behind it that worries or frightens you? In a stream of consciousness way (don’t go back to read what you write), write down everything you’re afraid of that comes to mind until you run out. Then wad up the paper and burn it [or tear it up] and go about your business. Do this process daily and/or every time you get a thought you don’t want.
15) Think what your life would be like if you were able to stop most of your repetitive thinking. Hold that vision in front of you as you make moment to moment decisions about where you put your focus.
I hope you find these tools helpful. I wish you the best on your journey towards a peaceful mind.
Written for Challenge for Growth Prompt #8: Stop (Repetitive) Thinking
Photo Credit: Wikimedia
Message to a child
Did you hear the things that you needed to hear during your formative years? Were you given enough guidance, enough love, enough validation? Are there words that you wish you had heard from your parents or other adults during your childhood or teenage years?
This week, for 1, 2, 3 days or longer say something to a child (or teenager) that you wish had been said to you when you were young.
Sometime during the week, write a post about some aspect of this topic or about experiences you had when you spoke to the youngster(s). Feel free to use whatever form you desire: i.e., prose, story, poem, photograph, etc. (If you don’t have a blog, please share your thoughts and experiences in the comment section below.)
New prompts will be posted at 5 a.m. (PST) every Wednesday.
Since it is easier to make behavioral changes if we focus on them one day at a time, each of the weekly challenges will start with “Today, I focus on…….” It will be up to you to decide how long you want to focus on a particular challenge— one, two, three days or even longer. At some point during the week, publish a post that relates in some way to the subject of the week.
Link your post back to this prompt post. If the pingback doesn’t work, then leave the link to your post in the comment section below. Be sure to include “Challenge for Growth Prompts” as one of your tags.
Throughout the week, I will publish the links for the posts that were created as the result of this prompt. I will also post the links from those who participated the previous week. That way they will be seen by anyone who comes to this page.
I Love You…- Living, Learning and Letting Go
saying it real (troiku ~ narrative)- Traces of the Soul
How about you?
“Stay in the Present and Stop Thinking” – Living, Learning and Letting Go
Stop Repetitive Thinking- Home and Loving It
Mind: Shut Up Already!- Traces of the Soul
Challenge for Growth Prompt #8/stop repetitive thinking- Annette’s Place
Tools for Dealing with Repetitive Thinking- Living, Learning and Letting Go
My thinking corner/thoughts for the week- Annette’s Place
Stop Thinking
So few of our thoughts are actually new; we recycle most of them again and again as we ruminate about past traumas, feel indignant over ways we were slighted, or obsess about possible future problems. Overthinking keeps us trapped in our heads, rather than living from our hearts. It also leads to depression and anxiety.
We may believe if we think about a problem long enough, we will figure out what to do about it. The reality is that inspiration is much more likely to come when our minds are silent than when we are in a never-ending cycle of analyzing.
This week, for 1, 2, 3 days or longer, commit to stopping your repetitive thoughts. One way to do that is to say “Stop…..Be here now” and then focus solely on the present moment whenever you find yourself in unhelpful thinking processes. Distracting activities such as working in the garden, exercising, reading, writing, walking, etc. may also be helpful. If there is a problem you actually need to think about, set a beginning and ending time for doing that, rather than letting it take over your day.
Sometime during the week, write a post about some aspect of this topic or about experiences you had when you stopped your repetitive thinking. Feel free to use whatever form you desire: i.e., prose, story, poem, photograph, etc. (If you don’t have a blog, please share your thoughts and experiences in the comment section below.)
New prompts will be posted at 5 a.m. (PST) every Wednesday.
Since it is easier to make behavioral changes if we focus on them one day at a time, each of the weekly challenges will start with “Today, I focus on…….” It will be up to you to decide how long you want to focus on a particular challenge— one, two, three days or even longer. At some point during the week, publish a post that relates in some way to the subject of the week.
Link your post back to this prompt post. If the pingback doesn’t work, then leave the link to your post in the comment section below. Be sure to include “Challenge for Growth Prompts” as one of your tags.
Throughout the week, I will publish the links for the posts that were created as the result of this prompt. I will also post the links from those who participated the previous week. That way they will be seen by anyone who comes to this page.
“Stay in the Present and Stop Thinking” – Living, Learning and Letting Go
Stop Repetitive Thinking- Home and Loving It
Mind: Shut Up Already!- Traces of the Soul
Challenge for Growth Prompt #8/stop repetitive thinking- Annette’s Place
Tools for Dealing with Repetitive Thinking- Living, Learning and Letting Go
My thinking corner/thoughts for the week- Annette’s Place
How about you?
Challenges for growth prompts/unplug- Annette’s place
I Unplugged!- Living, Learning and Letting Go
Of all of the Challenge for Growth prompts I have participated in, I think that “I Unplug” has been the one that I needed the most. I have been aware for some time that it was important for me to make some big changes in regards to the amount of time I spend on the computer.
I have a Facebook page, but primarily have it so I can see my son’s photographs when he travels; I never use it to converse with or find friends or relatives. I don’t participate in Linked-In or Snapshot. I belong to Twitter but I never look at it. I occasionally look at Instagram. I do not play video games, and only shop online when I’m looking for something specific. I don’t surf the web.
Even though I don’t do those things, I still spend a high percentage of my time working on my laptop. I’ve been known to say “I live on my computer.” I read and write emails, write articles and organize a monthly GreenFriends newsletter, work on various projects for my spiritual community, and spend time reading and writing blog posts. I enjoy supporting new bloggers. Watching my blog stats feels like a game, but know I check them entirely too often. Since I’m on the computer so much, I’m continually distracted by email and blog notifications. Like Pavlov’s dog, I feel compelled to find out who just wrote me whenever I hear the notification sound.
When I returned from India in January, I took some steps to decrease my distractibility and my computer use; steps that would give me the time I needed to focus on other things. For example, I occasionally turned off the sound on the computer so that I didn’t hear the notifications. I also created what I am calling a circuit, which are a list of activities I want to do nearly every day; e.g., walk, house cleaning, office work, yard work, etc. At first there were only 5 items on my list, so I went through the activities sequentially, spending 15-20 minutes on each one. I did some of the items more than once a day. The circuit increased my productivity and kept me focused. After two weeks, I added more items to the list, so now I don’t do them in any particular order and am not concerned if I don’t do a few of them. In addition to the circuit, I make a “to do” list that includes items that need to be done during the week.
My next step in this change process is to “unplug” for some time each day!
I decided to turn the computer off at 9 a.m. each day and leave it off until noon. That is a time period that am normally working on it. During my unplugged time I will not answer or make unnecessary phone calls, with the exception of emergency calls and calls from potentiaI clients. Likewise, I will not use the phone for email, text, Instagram or to find something on the internet. I will also not turn on the television or the radio.
Below is a summary of my first four days of using this routine:
Day 1 Report: It’s amazing how much slower time seems to go and how much more I can get done when I’m not being distracted by emails and blog notifications. I am surprised to find that I am actually enjoying having the computer off. I feel better today than I have felt in a long time: more energy, and less body tension than when I sit most of the day. I was concerned that when I turned the computer back on I would be overwhelmed with the number of emails I found in my inbox. There were not nearly as many as I had expected, in part because I hadn’t been generating them. Much to my surprise, I discovered it was easier and faster to read and respond to the emails all at once, rather than answering them individually when they arrived.
Day 2 Report: My unplugged time is 9 a.m. to noon no matter where I am or what I am doing. I was at my Tai Chi class for the first half hour of today’s block; I was back home by 10:00. Around 11:30, I became very antsy. That last half hour seemed to last forever. I was eager to turn on the computer so I could finish my taxes, and I didn’t want to wait. I was far from patient, but I didn’t turn it on until the clock struck noon. During the afternoon, I finished my taxes and other computer work and completed most of the items on my circuit.
Day 3 Report: Not using the computer was easy today because I had an appointment and did errands during most of my unplugged time. I worked on almost everything on my “circuit” list today, plus finished many of my “to do” activities. Looking at the day as a whole, I see that I spent less time than normal on the computer. I was surprised to discover I felt reluctant to even turn it on. I haven’t felt any desire to turn on the television either. Not using the phone during the unplugged time has been easy from the beginning. I’m liking this new way of doing things.
Day 4 Report: I was feeling energetic this morning, so during my unplugged time I took a walk through some wooded areas and streets that make a big circle around my part of town. I’ve been unable to walk the full circle during the past two years because of low energy caused by some medical issues. Some very interesting, and synchronistic, things happened along the way, which I will be writing about in a separate post. During the last half of the journey, I also picked up litter, an activity dear to my heart. While the walk normally takes 45 minutes, when I returned home, I was shocked to discover that I had been gone from 9:45 to 11:30! After lunch, I worked on almost all of the items on my circuit and to do lists and I rarely looked at the blog stats. I’m definitely seeing the value of unplugging. I ultimately may turn off the computer for more than the 3 hours/day I have committed to for now.
I am going to end my daily reports here so that I can post my response to the prompt. But I’m not ending my 9:00 to noon unplugging periods; I am really appreciating that change. A few days ago, Nichole from Nik’s Place told me that she is looking at a situation in her life as an opportunity to reset, refocus and re-balance her life for the better.
That is true for me, too. I am working to “reset, refocus and re-balance my life for the better,” and reducing my time on the computer is an important part of that process.
Written for Challenges for Growth Prompt #7: I Unplug
The Art and Craft of Blogging
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