Challenge for Growth Prompts: First Month’s Summary

The first Challenge for Growth Prompt was published on January 6, 2016. Since then there have been three more. I realize many of you may not have seen the posts that were written by those who participated, so have decided to publish a summary at the end of each month. I hope you enjoy reading them.

I give thanks to all of you who contributed to some or all of January’s challenges, whether it was by publishing a post, by reading the posts published by others or by reading and thinking about the challenge topics.

Know that everyone is still welcome to write posts for any of these challenges. If you decide to do that, I will add your contribution to the appropriate challenge page and to the monthly summary.

The next challenge will be posted at 5:00 a.m. (PST) tomorrow!

Why Do We Behave the Way We Do?

In the mid 80’s, I met Pam Levin, a therapist who was to become one of my mentors. One of the tools I learned from her is called the Think Structure. I have used it in my personal life and with the clients in my therapy practice. I have found it to be a helpful way for myself and others to gain insight into why we behave the way we do. Continue reading “Why Do We Behave the Way We Do?” →

Living with Purpose

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In the early to mid-90’s, I created a personal mission statement based on a process I learned in Stephen Covey’s book First Things First. When I finished the mission statement, I hung it on a wall in my house. I glance at it from time to time, and when I do I always feel amazed. That document is as true today as it was on the day I wrote it. There is no doubt in my mind that these have been the guiding principles of my life and are evidence that I have walked this life with intention. Continue reading “Living with Purpose” →

Challenge for Growth Prompt #4: Think Before Saying Yes or No

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Think Before Saying Yes or No

This week’s challenge is:

**“Today I take time to think before I say Yes or No.”**

While some people have trouble saying Yes and others say No to every request, I believe it is much more common for people to struggle with saying No. This struggle often stems from childhood experiences. It may not have been okay, or even safe, to say No in our families of origin. Many of us were taught/programmed to please others by doing what others wanted them to do. As an adult, we may say Yes to things we don’t want to do; say Yes but then not follow through on our commitments; or say Yes reflexively without taking any time to think about the request.

I once heard a joke that addresses this issue. “What happens when a codependent dies?” Answer: Someone else’s life flashes before his eyes.” While it is a funny joke, it is also a sad situation and it may be true. You cannot live your own life and do everything everyone else wants you to do.

The first step in looking at this issue may be to observe any struggles you have in saying either Yes or No. At the same time, start pausing to think before you reply to a request. You may need 15 seconds or you may need 48 hours or more to get clear. It is perfectly appropriate to respond, “I will think about it and get back to you.”

This week, for one, two, three days or longer, focus on thinking before you say Yes or No. Sometime during the week, write a post about some aspect of this topic or about your experiences when you think before you answer a Yes or No question. Feel free to use whatever form you desire: i.e., prose, story, poem, photograph, etc.

I look forward to seeing where this challenge takes you.

The article that you link to this prompt should be a new post written specifically for this challenge.

General Prompt Information:

New prompts will be posted at 5 a.m. (PST) every Wednesday.

Since it is easier to make behavioral changes if we focus on them one day at a time, each of the weekly challenges will start with “Today, I focus on…….” It will be up to you to decide how long you want to focus on a particular challenge— one, two, three days or even longer. At some point during the week, publish a post that relates in some way to the subject of the week.

Link your post back to this prompt post. If the pingback doesn’t work, then leave the link to your post in the comment section below. Be sure to include “Challenge for Growth Prompts” as one of your tags.

Throughout the week, I will publish the links for the posts that were created as the result of this prompt. I will also post the links from those who participated the previous week. That way they will be seen by anyone who comes to this page.

If you don’t have a blog, please feel free to submit your contribution to the prompt in the comment section below.

This week’s contributors to Think Before Saying Yes or No:

The Making of Yes- Nik’s Place

And to the World I Say- Where Love Meets War

Why Do We Behave the Way We Do?- Living, Learning and Letting Go

Challenges for Growth Prompts #4- Annette’s Place

How about you?

Last week’s contributors to Learning to Be:

What Does It Mean to Be? – Living, Learning and Letting Go

Painting Our Illusions- Where Love Meets War

Failure to Be- Nik’s Place

Being Her True Self- Traces of the Soul

Learning to Be- Journey of a Warrior Womyn

Challenge for Growth Prompt #3: Learning to Be

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Learning to Be

This week’s challenge is:

“Today when there is nothing to be done I will do nothing.”

In our over-doing world, many of us have lost the ability to simply BE. Our days are filled with doing things and our minds are filled with thinking. We may be bombarded with electronic stimulation such as radio, television, emails, texts, video games, internet surfing, Twitters, Facebook, Instagrams, Linked In, etc.

Too often when we are not over-doing, we are over-thinking. We rarely have new thoughts; usually we are just recycling the same thoughts over and over.

It may be that when we are quiet, we are uncomfortable with the feelings and thoughts that surface. We try to shove them down by potentially addictive behaviors like over-doing, substance abuse, obsessive thinking, and over-eating. We can learn to see those uncomfortable feelings and thoughts as indications that there are changes we need to make in our lives.

Most of life’s peak experiences happen when we least expect them. In addition, bliss is unlikely to come when we are thinking or over-doing.

This week, for one, two, three days or longer, focus on being rather than doing. If there is nothing that NEEDS to be done, don’t do anything. Take the time as an opportunity to simply BE. Watch the internal messages and impulses that come up when you do that. Note them, but don’t act on them. Allow yourself to continue being.

Consider making a commitment that during your being time you will not use the phone or computer and will not have any electronic music, television or radio going on in the background. If taking being time sounds impossible to you consider starting with five minutes- or ten minutes- or fifteen minutes a day. You can build up your being time slowly if you need to.

Sometime during the week, write a post about some aspect of this topic or about your being experiences. Feel free to use whatever form you desire: i.e., prose, story, poem, photograph, etc.

I look forward to seeing where this challenge takes you.

The article that you link to this prompt should be a new post written specifically for this challenge.

General Prompt Information:

New prompts will be posted at 5 a.m. (PST) every Wednesday.

Link your post back to this prompt post. If the pingback doesn’t work, then leave the link to your post in the comment section of this post. Be sure to include “Challenge for Growth Prompts” as one of your tags.

If you don’t have a blog, please feel free to submit your contribution to the prompt in the comment section below.

This week’s contributors to Learning to Be:

What Does It Mean to Be? – Living, Learning and Letting Go

Painting Our Illusions- Where Love Meets War

Failure to Be- Nik’s Place

Being Her True Self- Traces of the Soul

Learning to Be- Journey of a Warrior Womyn

How about you?

Last week’s contributors to Looking for the Good in Others:

On Humans and Humanity- The Seeker’s Dungeon

Today I look for the good qualities in others- Journey of a Warrior Womyn

There is No “Other”- Living, Learning and Letting Go

Khuśiyōm Kī Bahār- Living, Learning and Letting Go

Through the Shadows- Nik’s Place

finding the light side (free verse)- Traces of the Soul

Challenge for Growth Prompt #2- Annette’s Place

Living and Learning in Amritapuri: Wrapping Up My Nov 28, 2015 to Jan 11, 2016 Visit

Since Amma was on the North Kerala tour, my last days in the ashram for this year were relatively quiet. As soon as she left, I started cleaning up my room and storing my belongings. I also worked in the cafe, and had some special time with Chaitanya and Sreejit (my daughter and son). In addition, I reflected on my trip as a whole and pondered changes I would make once I returned to Seattle

Tai Chi

You might remember that my Tai teachers had returned to their respective countries. Dave departed just before Christmas and Stefanie left soon after New Year’s. Our class had decided to practice on its own, but a man we met just before our instructors left volunteered to teach us. He was a very kind and knowledgeable man, but his style was so different from what I was used to. Among other things, he taught us about 1) chakras, 2) giving gratitude to our organs for serving us year after year and 3) how each of the moves related to either bringing chi into our body or sending it out.

Like Dave and Stefanie, he often showed us how the movements we were doing related to the martial art form of Tai Chi. The information he shared was fascinating and valuable but we stood in one place while listening to him talk for an hour or more each day. My swollen feet didn’t do well with that. I tried sitting on the ground or on a step from time to time but that didn’t work for me either. He used quiet guided imagery a lot. I became agitated, wanting to be doing the beautiful Tai Chi moves. The rest of the class was thoroughly enjoying his class, though, so I began to think about dropping out.

I noticed my body was beginning to get stiff and was reverting to the way it had been before I had started the Tai Chi classes. One day, I decided to go to the beach early and practice the movements I had learned. I enjoyed doing that so much. That practice was followed by another day of standing still for over an hour, so I decided to drop the class.

Each morning until I left the ashram, I took the elevator up to the 15th floor of the building I live in and then walked up to the roof. As I did Tai Chi on the rooftop, majestic eagles flew over me.

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(I realize some of you may not be able to access the slide show so I will post one of the photos below.)

During the last two days of my stay in Amritapuri, I purposely left my camera in my room and experienced the eagles for myself. One day there were six of them flying over or near me! That truly felt like heaven.

As my time to leave the ashram approached, I started doing computer searches to look for teachers in Seattle. I plan to take my time in choosing a new instructor. Dave had suggested we look for teachers whose movements flow and who has noticeable chi themselves. I added another criteria to that list. I want a teacher who emphasizes practice over theory.

There is one Tai Chi story I have meant to tell you in past posts but kept forgetting to do so. I have shared many photos of the beautiful beach where we held the class. What was also true about that beach is that we were learning in an area which was used as a parking lot during Amma’s public darshan programs. On those days, there were as many as four large buses and numerous cars parked in “our” area. That space was also the thoroughfare for pick-up trucks and bicycles going to and from the food composting center. We definitely had plenty of practice in staying flexible and patient. The whole scene became funny at times.

Seahawks

Another subject I haven’t mentioned at all is my love for the Seahawks. I have had a life time distaste for football but all that changed in 2013 when I became an avid follower of our Seattle team. I love the sense of community supporting the team brings to Seattle, and our whole region for that matter. Last year I purposely woke up early when I was in India to “watch” some of the games. (I say “watch” but that really means I was watching the score.) This year I was content to just look at the scores when I woke up, but the team was still very much on my mind. I would be returning at the same time the playoff games started. In fact, the first play off game would take place when I staying in a hotel in Dubai, so I planned to “watch” it there. (Photo Credit: Ginny Gensler)

Trip summary

I decided to make a photo gallery that represents many of the highlights of my 2015/16 visit to Amritapuri:

Time with Amma

Time with Chaitanya

Time with Sreejit

Time with Akshay

India

Sunrises and sunsets

Beautiful flowers

Writing my migrant farm labor series

Costumes with Sumati

Costumes with Jani

Sabbath dinner

12 foot high Goliath puppet

Saul’s army with David

John the Baptist

Jesus is home again!

(Hover the cursor over pictures to see the captions; Click the gallery to enlarge the pictures)

There are, of course, many other people with whom I had special times on this trip but have no picture of them to put in the gallery. I will keep the photo below separate from the gallery since I didn’t take it in Amritapuri. It portrays a pancake I made when I returned to Seattle; one that was inspired by the breakfasts my friend Lalita created each morning. I appreciate her positive modeling of healthy eating and all of the wonderful conversations we had during that meal. The pancake I made is topped with yogurt, pomegranate, bananas, chia seeds and hemp seeds. I will eventually look for ragi flour and try to replicate the cafe’s ragi pancakes!

January 17 Epilogue

I left India on January 10. On the way back to Seattle, I stayed 14 hours in the Dubai airport hotel and did indeed follow the first Seahawk playoff game while I was there! When I was still at the airport in India, I was thinking about the game and noticed that Skiddles were being sold there. I’ve never had a Skiddle in my life, but I knew one of our players often talks about them (I think they are one of his sponsors). I decided to buy a package of Skiddles as a symbol of support for my team. When I mentioned I had purchased them to Sreejit and Chaitanya they both told me how bad they were for my teeth! I thought it was funny to get that kind of feedback from my kids.

I arrived in Seattle on Monday morning and on Wednesday morning checked out my first Tai Chi class. I liked the class but I want to experience some other teachers before I make a decision about an ongoing classes. I have picked classes to attend on the 19th and 21st.

I spent this weekend attending a Sanskrit workshop. I love being with the Samskrita Bharati family but in the future I will remind myself not to participate in a workshop so soon after my return. (I’m still only sleeping 2 or 3 hours a night due to jet lag.) My friend Yashas took the workshop with me and he loved it. That really made the weekend extra special for me. Hopefully in time we will be able to speak Sanskrit together. (As an aside, the 2nd Seahawks playoff game was during the workshop. I know I was not the only person in the room who was surreptitiously glancing at their phone to check the score. We lost. Bummer.)

My visit to India was challenging but I learned so much and will be eternally grateful for the opportunities I have been given. Thank you for reading my posts and in so doing taking the journey along with me.

To see the earlier posts in this series go to: https://livinglearningandlettinggo.wordpress.com/india/

There Is No “Other”

In the mid 90’s, I read a book that really spoke to me. It was called “The Balkan Express: Fragments from the Other Side of the War” by Slavenka Drakulic. She is a respected journalist and commentator from Croatia. The publication contained a series of essays about the effect the Serbo-Croatian war had on her colleagues and fellow countrymen.

The portion of the book that I remember to this day is her essay “High Heeled Shoes.” In it she described her growing awareness that she had turned citizens of her country, even close friends, into “others.”

First, she saw that instead of seeing refugees as people who had escaped slaughter by the Serbians, she had started stereotyping them. “They are just sitting smoking, doing nothing. Waiting. Waiting for what? For us to feed them. They could work, there are plenty of jobs around, houses to be repaired or working the land.” She heard a woman on a train say “This city stinks of refugees” at a time when there were refugees sitting beside her.

As she continued to examine her own attitudes, she saw that she had reduced individuals to the category of “they” and from there to “second-class citizen” or “non-citizen.” She realized when we do this, they soon become “not-me” or “not-us.” We may feel some sense of responsibility for them, but it is the type of responsibility that we feel towards beggars. “The feeling of human solidarity turns into an issue of my personal ethics.” We help only if we want to.

As her reflection continued, she wondered :

Perhaps what I am also witnessing is a mechanism of self-defence as if there were a limit to how much brutality, pain or suffering one is able to take on board and feel responsible for. Over and above this, we are often confronted with more less abstract entities, numbers, groups, categories of people, facts– but not names, not faces. To deal with pain on such a scale is in a way much easier than to deal with individuals. With a person you know you have to do something, act, give food, shelter, money, take care. On the other hand, one person could certainly not be expected to take care of a whole mass of people. For them, there has to be someone else: the state, a church, the Red Cross, Caritas, an institution.

and

Out of opportunism and fear we are all becoming collaborators or accomplices in the perpetuation of war. For by closing our eyes, by continuing our shopping, by working our land, by pretending that nothing is happening, by thinking it is not our problem, we are betraying those “others” – and I don’t know if there is a way out of it. What we fail to realize is that by such divisions we deceive ourselves too, exposing ourselves to the same possibility of becoming the “others” in a different situation.

I still resonate with everything Slavenka Drakulic said in that essay. I know I put panhandlers in the “other” category. When I see someone whom I think might be about to ask me for money, a whole litany of judgments erupt within me. While I’ve worked on this issue, it is not gone. While I don’t believe I have the same negative judgments about the victims of war and the natural disasters that are occurring with increasing frequency in the world, I believe I am still seeing them as “others.”

I need to confront my judgments, help more, and remember to think of people as individuals who like me have needs and wants. I need to remind myself that we belong to the same human family. They are a part of me; we are one. No, I can’t fix all of the problems in the world, but I can do more than I am doing and it can be from a place of love, caring and inclusion rather than from some “better than thou” place within myself.

As I was completing this post, I remembered a part of a guided imagery meditation from “Legacy of the Heart: The Spiritual Advantages of a Painful Childhood.” by Wayne Muller. I will leave you with his words.

Observe how birth, suffering, illness and death touch each one of us who lives on the earth. This is the pain we all share, in which we all partake, the pain of being human that touches our common bodies, hearts and minds. You may say to yourself as each image arises. “I am your other self.”

Embrace each image with forgiveness, mercy and love, touching the pain your heart, touching all the beings who suffer with your heart. This is the inheritance of the family of creation. This is your family.

Feel the depth of connection to all beings as you allow the pain to be the doorway into community with your greater family. Feel the truth of that belonging. Gradually return to the awareness of your breath as it naturally flows in and out of your body; feel your body as a tiny cell in the larger body we all share.

Lokah Samastha Sukhino Bhavantu
May all beings in the world be happy.

Written for Challenge for Growth Prompts: Looking for the Good in Others.

Amma’s Vrindavan Tulasi Field

After Lalita and I left Amrita Herbal Gardens, we walked to the Vrindavan Tulasi Field, the farm I had originally planned to see that day. This property contains the gardens I have heard about most over the years. The devotees who have worked there have faced so many obstacles. Year after year it has been a process of trial and error. Amma teaches us to put in the effort and let go of the results. Those who have worked at this farm have done such a good job of doing that.

When I walked onto the property, I gasped at what I saw. The place had truly become paradise. The first plants that caught my eye were some that had beautiful flowers, different from any I had ever seen.

After leaving that area, Lalita and I walked from place to place, marveling at everything we saw. There were coconut trees of course, but so much else. We saw many banana circles, each with its own compost pile in the middle. We viewed many different types of plants, all looking healthy and luscious. (Click on the gallery to enlarge the pictures.)

This farm was first known as the Tulasi Field. (Tulasi is also called holy basil and is known for its medicinal and religious properties.) Several years later, they discovered that Rudraksha trees were growing there and throughout the ashram. The devotees started planting Rudraksha trees in all of the gardens. For a while the Tulasi Field became known as the Rudraksha Farm. This year I discovered it has been renamed Amma’s Vrindavan Tulasi Field.

Lalita noticed that the bottom portion of all of the Rudraksha trees had been painted white; I didn’t think to ask one of the workers why that was done. A worker told us that 10,000 rudraksha seeds had been harvested this year. Those were produced by a small number of trees, as the trees that had been planted in the last few years were not mature enough to produce fruit. One thousand seeds had been harvested from the tree in the picture on the right side of the gallery below. It was the most prolific tree on the property.

Rudraksha seeds are considered sacred in India. They symbolize the dissolution of desires and the awakening of truth. A rudraksha seed is divided into 1-21 segments. Those segments are also known as faces or mukhi. While all rudraksha seeds have healing properties, the properties change depending on the number of mukhi. The five mukhi rudraksha seed is the most common form. It can help with regulating blood pressure, heart problems, stress, mental disability, obesity, anger management, diabetes, piles, neurotic and behavioral problems.

Here are some pictures I took the first year they started harvesting the fruit of the rudraksha trees. After the fruit is picked, it is opened and the seed is taken out, soaked and then brushed until it is clean. To read an article I wrote about the rudraksha seeds two years ago go to: Rudraksha Farming at Amritapuri, pages 7-9. That document contains more information and many pictures.

There may have been tulasi plants growing throughout the property, but one of the last areas we came upon before we returned to Amritapuri was a field of tulasi. The plants were so big and so healthy. A woman who had recently come to the ashram was watering them. I had the feeling she didn’t understand why we were so astounded by what we were seeing. She probably didn’t know about all of the years and effort that had been spent trying to get anything to grow in the dry, barren ground.

I found myself teary as I wrote this post. The earth in so many of the pictures looks dark and rich; so different from how it used to be. This property is certainly proof that when you put in the effort and let go of the results, miracles can happen.

Challenge for Growth Prompt #2: Looking for the Good in Others

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Looking for the good

This week’s challenge is:

“Today I look for the good qualities in others.”

When we are in a bad mood, we may find ourselves focusing on someone else’s faults. When we focus on the negative, we are likely to see negativity all around us. From time to time, Amma reminds us that even a broken clock is right twice a day.

People often get triggered into negative thinking when they are with someone who reminds them of a person that hurt them in the past. In the psychotherapy model I use, we refer to that as “putting someone else’s face” on the present day person. That process is also referred to as projection.

Clients in therapy frequently project their parents’ faces on their therapists. I remember a time in the mid 90’s when a client was always angry with the male co-therapist in one of my therapy groups. He knew that the therapist reminded him of his father, but he was having a hard time “getting his dad’s face” off of the therapist.

This therapist had some unusual characteristics so I said to the client, “Did your dad ever wear an earring?” and “Did your dad sometimes wear red toenail polish?” The client started laughing. His father would NEVER have considered doing either of those things. Seeing the differences really helped him separate the therapist from his father.

This week, for one, two, three days or longer, focus on looking for the good in others. If you have trouble finding anything positive about a person, consider whose face you might have on them. If you decide it is a parent, or a boss, or someone else from your past, identify ways the current day person is different from the one in your past. Then “de-role” the present day person by saying to yourself, “You are not (insert the name or role of person from the past), you are (insert the name or role of the person in the present).” After you de-role the current day person, you may be better able to identify some of their good qualities.

Also consider making lists of the positive qualities of anyone you have negative thoughts about, whether they be from your past or present.

Sometime during the week, write a post about some aspect of this topic or about your experience when focusing on seeing the good in others. Feel free to use whatever form you desire: i.e., prose, story, poem, photograph, etc.

I look forward to seeing where this challenge takes you.

The article that you link to this prompt should be a new post written specifically for this challenge.

General Prompt Information:

If you don’t have a blog, please feel free to submit your contribution to the prompt in the comment section below.

This week’s contributors to Looking for the Good challenge:

On Humans and Humanity- The Seeker’s Dungeon

Today I look for the good qualities in others- Journey of a Warrior Womyn

There is No “Other”- Living, Learning and Letting Go

Khuśiyōm Kī Bahār- Living, Learning and Letting Go

Through the Shadows- Nik’s Place

finding the light side (free verse)- Traces of the Soul

Challenge for Growth Prompt #2- Annette’s Place

Last week’s contributors to Needs vs Wants challenge:

The Bliss We Seek- The Seeker’s Dungeon

2016 Needs- Self Therapy

Needs vs Wants (Haibun)- Traces of the Soul

Resolve- Dream Cloud Diaries

Compassion’s Desires (Haibun)- Tournesol dans un Jardin

Are My Trips to Amritapuri Fulfilling a Need or a Want?- Living, Learning and Letting Go

The Needing Want- Nik’s Place

Needs vs Wants- Journey of a Warrior Womyn

My thanks goes to each of the bloggers listed above and to those of you who wrote your response to the challenge in the comments section of the challenge post.

To see the most recent Challenge for Growth Prompts Click Here

Would You Be Interested?

I’m considering offering a weekly Challenges for Growth Prompt.

If there is interest, I would post a focus weekly. For example:

This week I focus on meeting my needs instead of my wants.
This week I focus on finishing things I haven’t finished
This week I focus on walking my talk.
This week I focus on making time to play
This week I do not gossip
This week I remember that “trials and tribulations” help me grow.

People could participate in different ways.

Everyone can consider it a challenge for the week and make it as much a focus as they want to.
Some bloggers could write a post about their experiences during the week.
Other bloggers may choose instead to write a post about the topic rather than make it a week-long focus.
Bloggers and non-bloggers would be welcome to write about their experience in the comments section of my post.

Would you be interested in participating in this type of prompt?

If so, which of the areas I have listed would you suggest I start with? Other suggestions are welcome!