Are My Trips to Amritapuri Fulfilling a Need or a Want?

Since I wrote the “Needs vs Wants” prompt, I have been reflecting on my own relationship to that subject. Sitting here in my flat at Amma’s ashram in Amritapuri, India, it occurred to me that the reason I have been able to come here 26 times since January 1990 is because I have made that trip a major priority in my life. I value experience over material possessions so I have never been pulled into the world of consumerism and accumulation. There have only been two years when I was not able to save enough money to allow me to make that sojourn.

Is going to India a need or a want? At first I thought it was a want, but then I remembered there were many years I went to India even though I felt a lot of resistance to going. Continue reading “Are My Trips to Amritapuri Fulfilling a Need or a Want?” →

Challenge for Growth Prompt #1: Needs vs Wants

20150726_193656 Needs vs Wants

Welcome to the first “Challenge for Growth” Prompt! I look forward to posting a new challenge for you every Wednesday at 5 a.m. PST. I am also eager to see the posts you create in response.

General Prompt Information:

Since it is easier to make behavioral changes if we focus on them one day at a time, each of the weekly challenges will start with “Today, I focus on…….” It will be up to you to decide how long you want to focus on a particular challenge— one, two, three days or even longer. At some point during the week, publish a post that relates in some way to the subject of the week. Feel free to use whatever form you desire: i.e., prose, story, poem, photograph, etc.

Link your post back to this prompt post. If the pingback doesn’t work, then leave the link to your post in the comment section. Be sure to include “Challenge for Growth Prompts” as one of your tags.

Throughout the week, I will publish the links for the posts that were created as the result of this prompt. That way they will be seen by anyone who comes to the Challenge page.

If you don’t have a blog, please feel free to join the discussion in the comment section below.

This week’s challenge is:

“Today I focus on my needs rather than my wants.”

The nature of the mind is that as soon as one desire is met, it is off to the next one, often without taking any time to appreciate the desire that was just realized. An endless stream of wants leads to the experience of scarcity; we never feel full, we never think we have or are enough.

One way to create a sense of abundance in our lives is to decrease the number of our desires. We can do that by putting our primary focus on meeting our needs and then prioritizing our wants. The first step for many people is to learn to differentiate their needs from their wants. Some examples: We need water – We want a soda; We need food – We want a big restaurant meal; We need shelter – We want a new house.

This week practice identifying which of your desires are needs and which are wants. When looking at your list of wants, decide which are the most important to you. On the day or days you focus on this week’s challenge, give priority to meeting your needs. If you put energy into obtaining any of your wants, be sure they are ones you have determined to be of significant importance.

Sometime during the week, write a post about Needs vs Wants. It may be a general post regarding some aspect of the topic or it may be about an experience you had when focusing on your needs instead of your wants.

I look forward to seeing where this challenge takes you.

This Week’s Prompt Contributors:

The Bliss We Seek- The Seeker’s Dungeon

2016 Needs- Self Therapy

Needs vs Wants (Haibun)- Traces of the Soul

Resolve- Dream Cloud Diaries

Compassion’s Desires (Haibun)- Tournesol dans un Jardin

Are My Trips to Amritapuri Fulfilling a Need or a Want?- Living, Learning and Letting Go

The Needing Want- Nik’s Place

Needs vs Wants- Journey of a Warrior Womyn

What a Difference Attitude Can Make!

Soon after I arrived in Amritapuri, I had the foolish thought that this might be the year that I don’t have any experiences to share. I say foolish because I don’t believe there ever was any remote possibility that could happen.

My first week was full of challenges. In hindsight, I see that I was receiving endless opportunities to choose between two possible attitudes. For example:

I could lament that I left my good thongs in Seattle, or instead choose to be grateful that I had felt drawn to pick up and pack a cheap pair of thongs that, for the last two years, had been lying on the floor of an empty room where I work.
I could suffer about the fact that my internet stick was not where I believed I had left it last January or instead choose to do what it took to get another one.
I could berate myself for not remembering that I needed to bring a water filter or instead choose to look for creative ways to solve the problem.
I could bemoan that the seva (volunteer work) I look forward to most in Amritapuri (separating worms from the fertilizer they produce) was no longer an option or instead choose to appreciate that I would have more time to support the development of the Christmas play.
I could obsess about the seemingly endless internet and phone problems I was experiencing or instead choose to see those problems as opportunities to practice equanimity while doing what needed to be done to solve them, one step at a time.

I will describe three other examples in more detail:

1) The evening of December 2, I was about to go to my room when someone walked up to me and asked if I would be willing to hand Amma prasad (the candy she gives devotees after she hugs them). That is one of my favorite sevas so I eagerly accepted the invitation and joined the prasad line. As I reached the front of the line and took the position next to Amma, a western man came for his hug. He started speaking to her in beginner’s level Malayalam. Amma and he were having a great time laughing about his speaking attempt. Afterwards, he handed Amma three malas (prayer bead necklaces). He wanted Amma to put them on him. Once she did that, he pulled out another handful of malas made from a different substance and asked her to put those on him too. He went through that sequence two more times. The last set was a handful of about 15 rosewood malas. It was a rather bizarre scene, especially since he was now wearing around 30 malas. I imagined he had plans to give them away to friends at home but having her put them on him was a rather bizarre change from normal practice of simply asking Amma to bless the malas he would be giving as gifts. Amma and he were laughing and so was everyone who was witnessing the incident. To me it seemed like “no accident” that I was present for that entire encounter.

I had not been able to sleep for more than two or three hours at a time since I arrived in India on November 28, so was hopeful that night would be different. You can imagine how upset I was when, after 2 ½ hours of sleep, there was a huge ruckus between nearby dogs. Once I wake up, sleep is over for the night. How long could I live like this? I had to get some sleep! Would the dogs start barking again? Would they continue to be a problem throughout my stay? It didn’t even occur to me that they hadn’t barked during the previous nights and dogs had never been a problem in the past. I was too sleepy and too lost in fear of the future to think clearly.

It did occur to me that I had been in bliss when I went to bed and now felt like I was in hell. I realized it was a good example of how quickly our minds can change our reality. While I struggled with the fear for the rest of the night, I found it immensely helpful to recall my experience of witnessing the interaction between Amma and the man with the malas. As I smiled with the memory, I let go of some of my tension. What a gift that prasad experience had been for me. So in a situation like this, I could choose to stay in the fear, or consciously focus on a time when I was happy, reminding myself that this current challenge will pass.

2) With the ongoing lack of sleep, it soon became obvious I was developing a cold. On the afternoon of December 4, I felt strongly pulled into sleep and I slept almost continually for the next 36 hours, getting up only for meals and for meeting bathroom needs. I realized I could focus on how many things I was missing out on while I was sleeping or could instead choose to be grateful that:

as I moved in and out of sleep when Amma was leading bhajans (devotional songs) that night, I heard small portions of them from my room. Each bhajan segment I became aware of was a favorite of mine. I wasn’t sure whether I was really hearing the songs or if I was dreaming I was hearing them. Regardless of whether it was a dream or reality, I could choose to believe that experience was a gift from Amma to me.

during the short time I went downstairs for dinner on Dec. 5, Swami Pranavamrita sang Kalam Kanalu and a Swami Ayyappa song. I have a special history with both of those songs so I could choose to take them as yet another gift to me.

since I have been sleeping around the clock the swelling in my feet has gone away. Perhaps the jet lag will also be gone when this illness has run its course! I can choose to believe that my sickness has multiple purposes and they are all good ones.

3) I have felt pulled to learn Tai Chi for several years but the pull was not strong enough for me to take action. Before I left Seattle, I knew that this was the year for me to start, so I enrolled in the classes as soon as I arrived in Amritapuri. One lesson was all I needed to take to know that it was so right for me. The process quickly brought my mind and body into a meditative stillness. I could tell some part of me recognized the moves and knew what to do. I could berate myself for taking this long to begin, or I could choose to remember that my life will unfold in its own time and acknowledge that now must be the perfect time for me to start Tai Chi.

All in all, during the eight days I have been at the ashram, I think I have done a pretty good job of choosing to not make myself miserable by taking on negative attitudes and instead consciously choosing positive ones. The time I was least successful in that endeavor was the night the dogs woke me up. All of these events have reminded me that I can choose my attitude towards the lessons, challenges, and tests that come my way, and that my attitude will make a significant difference in my experience.

Would You Be Interested?

I’m considering offering a weekly Challenges for Growth Prompt.

If there is interest, I would post a focus weekly. For example:

This week I focus on meeting my needs instead of my wants.
This week I focus on finishing things I haven’t finished
This week I focus on walking my talk.
This week I focus on making time to play
This week I do not gossip
This week I remember that “trials and tribulations” help me grow.

People could participate in different ways.

Everyone can consider it a challenge for the week and make it as much a focus as they want to.
Some bloggers could write a post about their experiences during the week.
Other bloggers may choose instead to write a post about the topic rather than make it a week-long focus.
Bloggers and non-bloggers would be welcome to write about their experience in the comments section of my post.

Would you be interested in participating in this type of prompt?

If so, which of the areas I have listed would you suggest I start with? Other suggestions are welcome!

And So It Begins…….

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My spiritual teacher, Mata Amritanandamayi, who is more commonly referred to as Amma, visits cities across North America each summer and then returns to offer programs in San Ramon, California and Michigan each November. I have not attended her November programs for several years since they are so close to the time when I take my yearly sojourn to her ashram in India. In fact, I often depart for India when Amma is still in Michigan.

It has been three or four years since I’ve been to the Michigan programs and I haven’t been to either the summer or the fall programs in San Ramon for six to eight years. I was surprised a month ago when I felt the strong desire to participate in the first two days of the November meetings in San Ramon. The desire stayed with me, so I booked my plane ticket and reserved a hotel room.

I had several goals:

Spend time with Amma and receive her darshan (hug).
See the changes that have taken place in her San Ramon ashram
Walk the land
Visit with the many friends I have in Amma’s community
Be open to any learning opportunities that emerged

Time with Amma is always filled with so many experiences and it often seems like time is suspended. So even though I would only be there for two days, it would no doubt feel like a week. Whenever I am in Amma’s presence, life lessons seem to speed up and so many synchronicities occur. I looked forward to discovering what would happen on this trip.

I am writing this post after having returned from the San Ramon programs. I could write several chapters of a book about my experiences, but have decided to tell you my adventures in walking the land!

In the years since I was last in San Ramon, my life has taken a turn. I have become much more focused on Mother Nature. My eyes have opened and I now see things I never saw before, or at least I see them in a different way.

I knew that Amma had asked the San Ramon devotees to plant orchards on the property, so seeing those was definitely a priority. When I got out of the car on my first day, I looked across the parking lot and saw that there was a big orchard in the distance, nestled in the hills.

I arrived at the ashram several hours before Amma would come to the program hall so I decided to visit that orchard first. I asked a friend how to get their and he gave me a vague idea of how to find the path.

I followed those directions and found a path of sorts. As I made my way through the forest, there were times when fallen trees blocked my path. I crawled over or under them and continued on. (Note: If you click on any of the picture galleries, the photos will be enlarged.)

Taking this kind of walk reminded me of playing in the woods near my home when I lived on an army base in Germany as a child. Those were some of the happiest times of my childhood.

As I made my way towards an orchard I couldn’t see, I kept the vision of my first glimpse of the fruit trees in front of me. As I walked, I could see small portions of parked cars through the trees from time to time. I realized I was near some of the new parking lots, so felt assured I was going the right direction.

When I came out of the wooded area, I discovered there was a road going from the parking lot to the orchards. If I had known about it I would have reached my destination much faster, but I would have missed the journey and so much beauty.

Soon I arrived at the orchard. It covers quite a large area and was impossible to photograph in its entirety. It is late fall now so the trees look very different than they would have looked in spring and summer, but they were still a welcome sight to see.

Later that day, I explored the orchard that is between the main ashram house and the temple. There have been fruit trees in that location for many years, but now that area is totally devoted to the orchard and some solar panels.

My second, and biggest, “Walk the Land” adventure happened the following day. Around 11:00 a.m., I decided I wanted to walk from the main house to the house where Amma stays. I have taken that journey many times in the past, but not for years. It is some distance away so I thought it would take about forty-five minutes to get there and back.

It had rained during the night so there were areas of the path that were a bit muddy but it was still easy to walk on. There are many different types of terrain on that route and it was so beautiful. At one point, I saw another woman standing near a gully in front of me. I stopped and talked with her for a while and then continued on my way.

At one point, I decided the house was further than I wanted to go on that day. I decided I would only walk until I was at the point where I could see the house.

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Once there, I turned around and headed back to the main ashram.

All was well until I reached the place where I had met the woman. At that point, I could no longer see a path. I had been distracted by talking with her and had not focused on any landmarks.

I found what could have been the path and took it, but it soon ended. I tried one “path” after another but they went nowhere. I was finding myself in areas where the land was wetter and I started slipping in the mud. I slid whether I was going up or going down.

It occurred to me that I hadn’t told anyone I was taking this walk, and that was a mistake. I had my cell phone so I could make a call, if there was phone reception, but otherwise no one would have any idea where I was. Anyone looking for me would just assume I had returned to my hotel.

What to do? Take one step at a time and keep moving forward. Try one route and then another. Deal with whatever comes up.

My shoes were caked with mud, making me slip even more. I decided to let go of any concern that my clothes stayed clean. When I needed to, I scooted downhill on my bottom or crawled where I wanted to go on my hands and knees.

I remembered my years of going to Christ in the Desert monastery in Abiquiu, New Mexico. That monastery was 13 miles from the main highway and in those days the road to it was made of dirt. One side of the road was against a hill and on the other side there was a steep drop off. When it rained, the road became very slippery. One time I visited, the mud was so deep that it totally filled the tread of the tires. We swerved on that slippery surface as if we were driving on bald tires.

I realized that same thing had happened to my shoes. While the shoes didn’t have tread and were mostly smooth even when dry, they did have some small ridges. Remembering my experience with the tires, I sat down on the wet leaves, took off my shoes, pounded them against the earth and then used a twig to scrape off the thick mud. I was able to walk a little better after doing that.

After many more dead ends, I found myself face to face with a hill that went straight up. I probably remember it as being much higher than it actually was, but it was high enough that I had no idea what was on the other side. It seemed fruitless for me to continue walking on the lower ground, so I contemplated going up the hill. How would I do that though? The side of the hill was primarily made of wet clay, with some sporadic clumps of grass. I just slipped down it when I tried to climb.

I then recalled hearing that mountain climbers get up mountains by making holes where they can place their hands and feet and use those holes to boost themselves up the mountain one step at a time. I found that the clay was malleable so I started creating holes for my hands and feet. I did not look up and I did not look down. I focused only on making the holes and taking one step after the other. In that way, I moved up the steep hill.

I had no idea where I was, so didn’t know what I would find when I made it to the top. Once there, I was relieved to discover I was still on the ashram grounds. I was quite a distance from where I started, but I knew how to get back to the beginning of the path and did so.

Many years ago, my daughter had a challenging experience. After it was over, I asked if she had been afraid. She said, “No, I felt like Indiana Jones!” During this adventure, a part of me also felt like Indiana Jones, and I loved the sensation. It was as if I had been tested, and emerged victorious!

I recognized that throughout the challenge I had stayed true to so many of the attitudes I do my best to live by.

Focus on the moment, not the future
Live in awareness.
Take one step at a time.
Have faith.
Trust that my life is unfolding as it should.
Realize that the lessons I have learned in the past have prepared me for challenges I face in the present.
Believe that I can deal with whatever happens

As I said at the beginning of this post, there were many other special moments during my two days with Amma but these are the one I have chosen to share. I will be leaving for Amma’s India ashram soon, and know that my days there will be filled with lessons. My time in San Ramon seems like the beginning of my next India adventure, thus my title for this post, “And so it begins……”

(Note: This post was not written with the Weekly Photo Challenge: Victory in mind, but it certainly fits the criteria so I will use it for that purpose as well!)

Over or Under?

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There was a time earlier this year when I noticed the amount of space devoted to toilet paper in our local supermarket. The toilet paper display had caught my eye in the past but the absurdity of it really struck me on that day. The sight impacted me enough that I wrote a post about it! (Only in America?)

Another toilet paper issue has surfaced in my life. While I was aware of the debate over whether toilet paper should hang over or under the roll, I didn’t realize how much energy people had about it.

I personally side with the under camp, but began to wonder what other people thought. When we were planning some “getting to know you” exercises for a recent therapy activity, the staff decided to place a fun question among the serious ones. We asked the participants if they were unders or overs and had them divide into two groups. I was surprised to discover that in a group of 15 people 12 were overs and 3 were unders. I had no idea that the distribution would be so skewed or that I would be part of the minority.

After a friend sent me the picture I will place at the end of this post, I decided to delve further into the topic. (Sometimes it is fun to investigate a topic that has no particular importance!)

Wikipedia devotes 5445 words to the issue and that number doesn’t include the 132 footnotes, 119 references and 13 recommendations for further reading.

I found these factors mentioned in various sources:

Over keeps the flap further away from the wall, which may contain germs.
Over is the way that hotels do it so it must be right. (Over allows hotel staff to neatly fold back the flap.)
Over makes the pattern on the toilet paper look right.
Over makes it easier to tear off the number of tiles you want
Over makes it easier to find the flap.
The patent on toilet paper displays it in the over position.
Under makes it less likely it will unravel in an RV or during an earthquake
Under keeps children and pets from unrolling it.
Under is neater since the flap can be hidden.
Under creates less kinetic friction

An engineering study found that 70% of the people they studied are overs and 30% are unders. When looking at psychological factors, the researchers found overs to be overachievers who stay organized and take charge, and unders to be laid back, artistic and dependable. The study reported that 50% of people pay attention to the orientation of toilet paper, and that 20% have changed the orientation when they thought it was wrong. The investigators estimated that the average American spends half an hour a year trying to find the end of the toilet paper roll and that endeavor is said to create a $300 million loss in productivity.

I believe I now know enough about toilet paper orientation, so to end this post I will share the picture I mentioned above. My friend found this toilet paper dispenser in a “pizza joint” in Kenmore, Washington!

toilet paper

Letting Go and Lightening Up

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For years, I taught a workshop that included a guided imagery experience where participants, in their mind’s eye, emptied every room in their house and placed the contents of those rooms outside onto an ever-growing pile of belongings. I also had them visualize how big a nomad’s pile might be if he did the same thing.

Can you imagine creating that kind of a pile for yourself, i.e. removing every item from your living room, bedrooms, kitchen, bathrooms, dining room, basement, garage and every other room in your house and turning it into a mountain of belongings? How big would your pile be? Do the same process for a nomad. How does your pile compare to the nomad’s?

Next, I had the participants add all of the earth’s resources they believe they use in a year’s time to their piles, and asked them to “see” the nomad doing the same.

What would your pile look like if you added all the food you eat, the trash you discard, as well as all of the water, oil, natural gas, gasoline, wood and other resources you use in a year to your other belongings? See the nomad doing the same thing. How does your pile compare to the nomad’s?

Through that guided imagery, I hoped to give the workshop participants a sense of the “weight” belongings may add to their lives. I also wanted to give them a taste of the difference between wants and needs. Many attendees left that workshop with plans to organize a garage sale as soon as possible!

Does seeing your mountain of belongings give you a sense of being burdened or weighed down? How many of your belongings are wants and how many are needs? How many of your wants are very important to you?

I have lived in the same house in Seattle since 1973. You can imagine how much “stuff” I could have accumulated in 42 years. I have always valued experiences over material belongings though, so have used my financial resources to take trips to India rather than buying a lot of material possessions.

Even so, over the years my shelves, drawers, and closets filled. Around eight years ago, I decided I was going to give away anything I hadn’t used in the last five years, unless I planned to use the item in the near future. One of the articles I gave away at that point was a loom I had purchased in 1974. I hadn’t used the loom since my children were born. For decades, I told myself I would start using it once my son and daughter grew up and left home. They both moved out in the 90’s and I still hadn’t use the loom, so in 2007, I added it to my “to go” pile. I did a major purging of stuff that year.

Several years later, I felt compelled to go through my belongings again. This time I wanted to create an empty shelf every place in the house where shelves were located. I loved the sense of relaxation and peace I felt when I gazed at those open spaces. The shelves stayed empty until I decided to take in a roommate; at that time the empty shelves were needed for the roommate’s possessions.

Last year, I again felt pulled to reduce my belongings. The desire was so strong I wondered if something was about to happen. Was I going to be moving? Was I preparing for my impending death? (I have no terminal disease but fantasies can take any form!) I still don’t know the “why” but even as I write this post, my yearning to further decrease my possessions is stronger than ever.

Now I am giving away anything that I haven’t used in the last two years unless I have a strong desire to keep it. Once again, I have become a regular at the Goodwill drop off station!

I am loving the sense of lightening-up I am experiencing as I continue to let go of personal belongings I no longer need or want!

Becoming Me in 111 Words

Army brat in a critical household

My heart full of anger

Alone and lonely

Why bother?

Conservative college student, trapped again

Rebel by school’s end

Discovering new worlds

Finding life!

Migrant farm laborer

From Florida to Washington State

Seeing racism up close

Ready to make a difference.

Married Al and had two beautiful babies

– was unprepared and overwhelmed,

divorce and chronic fatigue left me

feeling empty, alone, beaten down.

Enter Jean, Elaine and Pam

Learned to parent myself and my children

Mentors’ teachings will last forever

I am whole.

Enter Amma

In her music I find Joy

In her arms I find Home

In her mission I find Purpose.

Written for Dungeon Prompts: Becoming You in 111 Words

Live to Work or Work to Live?

“If you do what you love, you’ll never work a day in your life.”

~Marc Anthony

While there are days when I am tired or discouraged that I may think that I work in order to be able to buy the things I need to live, I know that isn’t really true. I have no doubt that I live to work. I have been a psychotherapist since 1987. My primary modality is group therapy based on a developmental model that includes the concept of “inner children.” I believe that one of the most important elements in healing is for clients to learn how to parent those vulnerable “children” inside of themselves.

Most people start therapy because they are depressed and/or anxious. They may have learned to cover their pain with addictive behaviors such over-working, over-thinking, eating disorders or substance abuse. They frequently have trouble in relationships and often feel alone and lonely. Past traumas may cause them to experience flashbacks. They often have poor self esteem and think they are unworthy and will never be good enough. They may be very critical of themselves and others.

Continue reading “Live to Work or Work to Live?” →

“I will be responsible and accountable for my feelings, thoughts, actions and attitudes.”

Accountability — Photo Credit: Fritz Reitz

When a friend showed me a picture of this rock, I thought of a one of the self care contracts* that I use in my personal life and with my psychotherapy clients. That contract is “I am responsible and accountable for my thoughts, feelings, actions and attitudes.”

It is not uncommon to hear people in our society make comments such as, “You hurt my feelings.” and “You made me do that.” You…..you….you….you. When we get into the “you’s” we are more than likely not being responsible and accountable for our own feelings, thoughts, actions and attitudes. Using that way of speaking increases the chances we will immerse ourselves in victim thinking and as a result experience a sense of powerlessness.

I’m not saying that people who are nasty and viscous in their words and actions should not be responsible for what they say and do. Continue reading ““I will be responsible and accountable for my feelings, thoughts, actions and attitudes.”” →