As a psychotherapist, I often encounter clients who feel guilty for surviving abuse or other tragedies. On the news this morning, I heard Patience Carter, a 20 year old who survived the Orlando massacre, read her poem “The Guilt of Being Alive is Heavy.” I will say no more. I believe her words eloquently reflect a message that is important for us to hear. My heart goes out to her and to survivors everywhere.
Tag: spirituality
The Daily Prompt: Struggle

When I think of the word “Struggle,” my attempt to learn to read, write and speak Sanskrit is what comes to mind. For the last four and a half years it has been a major focus in my life, one I feel very passionate about.
The classes I have been taking recently focus on immersion. The goal is to have no English spoken in the class, although some allowances are made. Almost all of the students are Indian and many of the words in their native languages are rooted in Sanskrit. Therefore, the Indian students tend to learn the Sanskrit vocabulary very fast. Even when they don’t know a word they may have a good idea of what it means.
When I start with a class of new Sanskrit students, I feel on reasonably even ground with them, or even ahead. As I proceed in the course, however, they quickly pull ahead of me and by the end I am not understanding much of the conversation that occurs. Eventually, I hit a brick wall where I feel hopeless.
I am in that place again. I have tried retaking the class and have learned a lot by doing that, but I don’t think I can meet my goal by continuing to retake it. I’m going to take a break from that kind of learning and do some independent study focusing on reading Sanskrit; listening to Sanskrit video conversations; speaking with and writing to friends who are also learning Sanskrit; and on building vocabulary. I intend to stay committed to my goal and hope to come back to a class format sometime in the future.
Another struggle I have been dealing with this year has been lower back problems. My life has been very different since that started in mid-February. Now that the problem is resolving, I can see that it would have been a perfect time for me to focus on my Sanskrit and on doing the spiritual practices I neglect. I feel sad that I didn’t take advantage of the long hours of down time to do those things but at the same time I know I can learn from the experience rather than live in regret. I can have compassion for the choices I made this time, and make different ones in the future.
I appreciate today’s Daily Prompt. It was helpful for me to examine the struggles in my life.
Welcome to North America Amma!

I have written many posts about my spiritual journey with Amma (Mata Amritanandamayi) since I started blogging in 2014. My life changed profoundly when I met her in the summer of 1989. Since then, I have spent time with her yearly, during her North American programs and at her ashram in Amritapuri, India. My son Sreejit has lived in her ashrams in San Ramon and Amritapuri since 1994 and my daughter has lived in Amritapuri since 1998. Our lives are dedicated to supporting Amma’s mission/vision of alleviating suffering in the world. (Amma’s vast network of humanitarian charities is known as Embracing the World )
Just hours from now Amma will begin her first 2016 program in North America. That program will be held at the Edward D Hanson Conference Center in Everett, Washington (near Seattle). Between now and July 14 Amma will hold free programs in San Ramon, Los Angeles, Santa Fe, Dallas, Chicago, New York, Washington D.C., Boston and Toronto. Details of the Seattle area programs can be found at http://amma.org/meeting-amma/north-america/seattle-bellevue. To see her entire North American tour schedule go to: http://amma.org/meeting-amma/north-america.
I think the best way for me to share more about the experience of being with Amma is through three videos.
The first is a video of Amma feeding a fledgling that had fallen out of its nest.
One of the ways Amma offers her blessings is through her hug.
Film director, actor and producer Shekhar Kapur recently launched a beautiful new documentary about Amma titled The Science of Compassion.
It’s time for me to get ready to go to the program. I look forward to discovering what experiences I will have this year!
On Living and Dying Day 15 by Sreejit Poole
I think this is one of the best posts Sreejit has ever written.
The Circle of Life
Sreejit at The Seeker’s Dungeon has been hosting an event called On Living and Dying. I participated early in the challenge (Am I Contributing to My Living or My Dying?) but I find myself continuing to ponder the subject. I realized that I have lots of photos of birthing and living and some that could probably be considered rebirth, but I had none of dying. Yesterday I remedied that situation.





As I was writing this post, it occurred to me that I might be able to find evidence of rebirth already, and I did! Rebirth is occurring amidst the dying. What a good example of the circle of life.
Working on My Attitude
Looks like I had a visitor during the night.
Photo Credit: Wikimedia
I’m working on my attitude.
Thank you mole for aerating my garden for free.
Thank you mole for aerating my garden for free.
But the flowers looked so beautiful yesterday.
Thank you mole for aerating my garden for free.
Thank you mole for aerating my garden for free.
But now some of the seedlings have been destroyed
Thank you mole for aerating my garden for free.
Thank you mole for aerating my garden for free.
That wasn’t supposed to happen.
Obviously it was, because it did.
Thank you mole for aerating my garden for free.
Thank you mole for aerating my garden for free.
Thank you mole for aerating my garden for free.
I will get there.
Eventually.
On Living and Dying Day 8 by Alfred Poole
When I woke up this morning, I found an email notice in my inbox saying this post had gone up on The Seeker’s Dungeon. As I read through it, I received what was probably the biggest surprise in my life, and an incredible Mother’s Day present.
For those of you who don’t know, Al is my ex husband and father of Sreejit and Chaitanya. Our life has gone through so many phases. Sometimes our paths merged or were side by side, sometimes they were close together and for many years there was a lot of distance between us, even though we still worked together in raising our children.
I think this post is a great reminder to me, and others, that you never know where life’s road will take you and that healing of relationships can and does happen.
I feel very blessed.
Challenging My Memory

I intentionally carry a small purse (7 ½ x 5 ½ x 2 ½ inches) and I keep very few things in it. I believe that having a small purse increases the likelihood that I will be able to find items when I look for them.
Despite that precaution, I find myself constantly searching for things. I often say that if I could get back all of the time I have spent looking for my keys, it would add years to my life.
Sometimes I lose items due to not paying attention to where I put them. At other times though, the circumstances are more bizarre.
A few weeks ago, I bought a clock at my local Rite Aid store. I was aware at the time that it might not work out, so I took care to keep the receipt. The next day, I decided to return the clock. I looked through my purse, the place where I was sure I had put it, and it wasn’t there.
I mentally retraced every move I made after having left Rite Aid. I remembered that I had carried the unbagged clock to the QFC next door. Had I kept the receipt in my hand instead of putting it in my purse? Had I put the clock and the receipt in the grocery cart and accidentally left the receipt in the cart? That didn’t seem right, but at least it was a reasonable explanation.
For two days, I searched everywhere for the receipt. I looked through my purse over and over again. I finally accepted the fact that I wasn’t going to find it. A day or two after that, I looked across the table and saw this:
It was the receipt for the clock! There was NO way that receipt had been hanging out of my purse all that time. And I live alone so it was not reasonable to think that someone else had placed it there.
Hinduism has a word called leela. It means God’s play. The whole thing sure felt like a leela to me. God’s play would have a purpose though. So if this was a leela what was the purpose? Well it had given me the opportunity to practice being calm in all circumstances; trust the process of life; remember the importance of being mindful; be persistent in going after what I want, yet know when it is time to let go; and remember that everything happens for a reason.
Decades ago, I had many experiences of losing things and then finding them days, weeks, or months later… in plain sight. So often the items were in places I had looked many times. I began to wonder if there was something physically wrong with me. Did I have a dissociative disorder (i.e. in those days the extreme version was called Multiple Personality Disorder)? Did I have Alzheimers? Did I have some other medical problem? None of those explanations seemed right but I went to a psychologist anyway. He reassured me that there was nothing wrong with me and said he believed that my unconscious mind had found a way to get my attention FAST. There was no doubt about that; I hated having my memory challenged.

This morning, as I was contemplating writing this post, it happened again. I have a brick wall in my garden that I build two years ago out of loose bricks. My garden has gophers and their tunnels cause the wall to slump. Therefore, I need to rebuild parts of it each spring.
I decided I would start that rebuilding process this morning. I’ve been having back problems the last few months so I knew I would have to do it slowly, a small section at a time. I finished what I considered to be a reasonable amount of the work…. and then decided I would do just a little more. I reached for my trowel and the level, and they were nowhere to be found!

I hadn’t moved from where I was working. I searched for the tools for a while and then gave up. Clearly I shouldn’t be doing any more; I had done all my back could tolerate. I also decided there was no point in continuing to look for the tools. I went back into the house to rest my back.
When I took the garbage outside, two hours later, I found the trowel and level in another part of the garden. When I saw them, I remembered that earlier I had seen some bricks that were not straight in that part of the garden and had walked over there to straighten them. I had set the tools down at that time.
I imagine there are rational explanations for everything I lose, although I often don’t have a clue what it is. I do believe things happens for a reason and those reasons are for the good. I appreciate any process that gives me opportunity to learn and/or protects me from me.
Written for The Daily Post Prompt: Misplaced
Power and Mystery
There is a block close to my house that I love to walk down. It is lined by six huge trees that feel sacred to me. I experience the sense of their power and mystery every time I walk under them. (Click on gallery to enlarge the photos.)
Seeing What Is
In 1973, when Al and I bought the house I still live in, the yard was beautiful. An elderly couple had lived there for more than 40 years. It was obvious that much of their time had been devoted to taking care of the grounds. Because of divorce, child-rearing, working, going to school, etc. it was impossible for me to do all the work that was necessary to maintain the yard and the landscaping disintegrated. I yearned to have the property be beautiful again.
One day, I was standing with a friend in my back yard bemoaning the disarray. She said “Karuna, just look around you.” That was probably 15 years ago, so the trees are taller now, but what I saw when I looked around that day was similar to these photos I took yesterday. (You can enlarge the pictures by clicking on the galleries.)
The view was stunning. I realized that by putting my focus on what I didn’t like, I had become blind to the beauty that surrounded me.
Last year, I discovered another situation where I was not seeing something that was in front of me. The tree in the photos below is so close to my top deck that some of the branches actually touch it. The tree’s budding and blooming process is fascinating. How could I not have noticed it before?
(Note: To see the whole tree go to Branches Reach for the Sky.)
Have you ever not seen something that was directly in front of you because you were so focused on something else? I believe that experience takes many different forms, whether it be like the examples I’ve shared in this post, or a lost item showing up in a place we’ve looked for it many times. It could even be not seeing how lovable and capable we are or how much other people care about us because we are focused on traumas from the past or fear of the future.
Consider sharing ways you have not seen what is in front of you in the comment section below or in one of your own posts!
