Rara is one of my most favorite bloggers. She is so creative and her posts are unlike any others. I also love that she is so full of love and that she can go through the most difficult of situations and still “be” love.
Tag: self help
Reclaiming the Right to Trust
I believe, at the core of every person, there is a part that is both trusting and trustworthy. Due to life’s traumas, however, that part may recede so deep inside that it may seem unreachable. In time, a person may even develop a belief system that says people are not to be trusted.
When people come from that framework, they are likely to see negativity, and even danger, coming from all sides. They don’t trust what others say, and look for ulterior motives. In time, they may become excessively independent. The thought of being interdependent may be unfathomable. The inability to trust often leads to anxiety and depression.
I have been a psychotherapist for almost 30 years. During those years, I have seen so many clients reclaim their right to trust. As they heal from the traumas of their past, they shift from the life stance that people are untrustworthy to an attitude that people are trustworthy unless proven otherwise.
That doesn’t mean that they start to trust without discrimination though. Once they work through their childhood and adult traumas, they stop projecting negative behaviors on everyone and will become much clearer in seeing the true “red flags” that indicate potential problems. They are more likely to surround themselves with a support system of healthy people. They will know their own weak areas and will avoid situations that are likely to pull them into unhealthy behaviors.
Reclaiming the right to trust is not an easy journey, but it is well worth the time and effort.
Written for Daily Prompt: Trust
Photo Credit: pixabay.com
Don’t Wait Until…
This post by my friend Arati makes an important point in an unusual way. Enjoy!
To all the familiar voices expounding
I should
I have to
I gotta
I don’t have time
It’s gotta be done today
If I don’t no one else will
If I don’t do this it won’t happen…
Pause
Breathe
Watch a sunset or sunrise
through the branches of your favorite trees
or on the horizon beyond ocean
lake or desert
or reflected in the windows of tall buildings.
Have a cup of tea, herbal or black
decaf coffee, or enjoy the caffeine.
A glass of wine … or not.
Take a moment to sit
to stroll barefoot at the edge of the ocean
river or lake
in a meadow or city park.
Chill, as someone I love would say.
Don’t wait until ….
“YOU PROMISED!”
When I hear someone use the word “promise” the psychotherapist inside of me goes on alert. The images that come to my mind are children who are in trouble saying “I promise I won’t do it again” to their parents, or parents saying “You promised you wouldn’t do that again” to their children. I also think of bickering children saying to each other, or even to their parents, “You promised!” when someone doesn’t follow through on a promise.
It is important that interactions between adults stay equal with the adult part of one interacting with the adult part of the other. Two adults interacting in a way where one is acting like a parent and the other like a child can be very disruptive to adult relationships.
I think when people of any age hear the word “promise” their minds often add the word “forever”. “Forever” doesn’t take into account that we have a right to change our minds. We may have committed to something out of fear or without having taken the time to think the situation through. Also circumstances may change. When circumstances change then our commitments may need to change.
That doesn’t mean we should just say “I will try.” I’ve been told that Alcoholic Anonymous has a saying that “Triers are liars.” Too often when people say “I will try” they are saying it to get someone off their back and have no intention of doing what the other person is asking for. In my group room, I have a Yoda pillow that says “Do. Or do not. There is no try.”
I suggest people don’t make promises because to me that word in and of itself evokes a child or a parent-child response. I don’t think there is anything wrong with making commitments or agreements but it is important that those commitments be well thought out, clear and not come from an over-adaptive part of us. They should be made with an understanding that we aren’t going to be perfect and that if we decide at a later time that the commitment is not in our best interests we can look at what changes need to be made and re-negotiate it.
Post written for: Daily Prompt: Promises
Photo: Bickering Children by Bernhard Keil (1624-1687) via Wikimedia
You Are Enough Right Now
“You are enough right now, not after further, future achievements, but now, as you are.
Your wisdom is a valuable contribution to others right now, not after further study and life experience, but now, as it is.
You are worthy of respect and compassion right now, as you are, and not just because Brene Brown says so, but she does say so, and she seems like a nice person.
You are wonderfully lovable as you are right now, not at some future point when you’ve purged yourself of every human foible, but now, and not just because Mr. Rogers would say so, but you know he SO would.
You have the inalienable right to be flawed, ordinary, in your stuff, and off-track. These are fundamental to existence, and in no way subtract from any of the above.
Go forth and rock.”
by Fritz Reitz
Quote used with permission
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Faith Eirans posted this profound and intimate look into her life and into her being on The Seeker’s Dungeon this morning. I thought it was an important post for me to share so am sending it your way.
Challenge for Growth Prompts: January to March 2016
From January to March 2016, I offered a weekly Challenge for Growth Prompt. Participants published a post that related to the weekly topic and I posted a summary of those contributions. You will find that list below.
I give thanks to everyone who contributed to the challenges, whether it was by publishing a post, by reading the posts written by others or by thinking about the challenge topics as they lived their life that week.
Everyone is still welcome to write for Challenge for Growth Prompts. If you do, I will add you to the list of contributors. You will find the full prompt list below the contributors list. The directions for participating in a prompt can be found in each of the prompt descriptions. Continue reading “Challenge for Growth Prompts: January to March 2016”
The Black Doves Came To Me!
I just had the most amazing dream. It was filled with so many snipets. Some were joyful and some were uncomfortable. Some could have happened in the present or might happen in the future, but others brought in elements of the past. One snipet felt mystical, like being in a magical kingdom. Continue reading “The Black Doves Came To Me!”
The Daily Prompt: Vice
I once heard a story about a monkey who decided to give up eating bananas. Even though the monkey was committed to his goal, when he saw a banana in a tree far away, he decided to sit closer to it. That way he could at least enjoy looking at it. Nothing wrong with that!
Soon, he decided to move even closer to the banana. And then closer. And then closer yet. Before long he was sitting right next to it. At that point, the monkey reached over and grabbed, peeled and ate the banana, telling himself that he would give up bananas “tomorrow.”
I often use that story when talking to my psychotherapy clients about breaking their addictive patterns. If you have the addictive substance, such as drugs, alcohol, a particular type of food, porn, etc., in close proximity to you, it is unlikely you will be able to keep your commitment to abstain.
That is the way I am about chocolate. Dark chocolate to be specific. A little dark chocolate can be healthy, but if I have some, I usually want more. If it is in the house, and it comes to my mind, it won’t be long before I go looking for it. Once it is in plain sight, forget about abstaining, I will do that “tomorrow.”
I don’t intend to ever give up dark chocolate completely, but when I am serious about stopping my over-indulgence, I know to not have it in the house and before I leave the house to recommit to myself not seek it out.
(Note: At the moment, I’m congratulating myself for choosing to use a photo of a monkey eating a banana for this post rather than a photo of a piece of dark chocolate. That way, every time I see this post in the future, I won’t be tempted to go buy some!)
Written for The Daily Prompt: Vice
Photo Credit: By Mouli kundu (Own work) [CC BY-SA 4.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons
Living, Learning and Letting Go 
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